Following the startling revelations about Jordan's family in "Ockham's Razor," the emotional fallout affects virtually every person involved in Jordan's life ~ in varying ways they all try to help her as she struggles to come to grips with this new knowledge. Note ~ the age/date information is based on things that we know from watching "Crossing Jordan," like the fact that Emily was born in 1946 according to her tombstone.
**********
Jordan...
After what seemed like an eternity standing there in the yard of the old house, I finally got Dad into the car and we went to his house. We pretty much drove in silence. Silence punctuated by Dad's sobs and my attempt at comforting him. "It's ok, Daddy. It's ok." Over and over again. Finally we reached the house, went in, and flopped down on the sofa ~ there's no way that thing Evelyn picked out is ever gonna be a "couch." We just sat there for what seemed like forever. For one of the first times in my life I actually didn't know what to say. Oh, I don't mean I didn't have things flying around my head. Hell, my brain was like a category 5 hurricane there were so many thoughts and questions flying around in there! But when Dad said we wouldn't talk about it ever again, did he mean really ever or can I at least find out for sure what he knows? That seems only fair, but still...
"Jordan, you want something to drink?"
"Maybe a small glass of something ~ I don't know...
"Ok, I'll get us 'something.' Not much, just enough to help get the shock off."
"Ok. Thanks Dad."
He poured some whiskey for both of us and came back into the living room.
"So I guess you've got some questions, huh?"
"Dad, you said we would never talk about it again. If you don't want to..."
"No, you deserve to know what I know. Otherwise the what ifs will drive you crazy ~ I know you and I know from personal experience."
"Ok. Why don't you tell me what you want me to know and we'll go from there?" God help me be able to deal with whatever comes out of his mouth!!
"Your mother and I went to high school together. She was younger than I was, but we went to a few dances and so forth together. Even after I graduated and joined the force, we still saw each other from time to time. Things...things sometimes went farther than they should have. One day Emily came to see me at the precinct with some news ~ she was pregnant. Of course I had no reason to think otherwise, so I assumed the baby was mine and we got married quickly. She was still in high school, but ended up dropping out to take care of the house and get it ready for the baby. Her family was NOT pleased, to say the least. I was still sometimes getting the tough beats and shifts and that can be hard on any marriage, especially a new one with someone so young. I've seen lots break up over those young beat cop schedules. I always swore mine wouldn't be one of them. I may have made a mistake but I wasn't about to compound it. I thought things were going so well. I mean, yeah Emily wasn't always thrilled with my shifts, and her family wasn't thrilled with the whole situation, but we seemed to be coping all right. I was working my way up and into steadier and earlier shifts. That was about the time I was promoted to day shifts and caught the Horton kidnapping. I spent a lot of time with them trying to find their baby. Eventually I started thinking back about dates based on the predicted due date of the baby. And honestly I...I ~ Jordan, I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I said I'd tell you everything."
"I know. God, I knew Mom looked young in the film ~ I guess that explains it. She was. So her family forced you to get married? But go on with what you were saying. What kid, no matter how old, isn't grossed out by their parents talking about their sex life? Go on. I'll try not to make any faces. Or puke."
"Gee, thanks. Anyway, thinking back, I couldn't remember making love with Emily any time around when conception would have had to have happened. I was on third shifts then and we had hardly seen each other. But I tried to put those doubts out of my mind ~ it's not like I recorded everything on a calendar. And I didn't want to upset her by asking any questions. So things went on as usual. We fixed up a nursery and got ready for the baby. Things seemed to be going so well. It was tough, though, working the Horton case while that was going on. I'd put any doubts out of my mind and was so excited about becoming a father, yet here I was dealing with parents whose child had been taken from them, and we had no idea if he would be found alive. We set it up so that they would pay the ransom, but it didn't help. A few weeks later we got an anonymous tip about the baby, and we found his body. That was probably the hardest news I've ever had to deliver to a family, but since I'd established a relationship with them, I was the one to tell them the news. I remember going to the funeral ~ nothing sadder than a child's funeral, especially a baby who'd only just started living.
"Several months after that the baby ~ the man you met this evening ~ was born. He was right in some of what he said tonight. As soon as I looked in his eyes all those thoughts I'd pushed back for so long came right back and were confirmed. I knew. I can't explain how I knew, I just did. And then I saw his blood type on the birth certificate and knew that there was no way that he could be mine. But I swore that I would love him as my own. Raise him and not speak of it to anyone ~ not even tell Emily that I knew. When she and the baby came home, things seemed ok for a couple of days, and then the depression hit with a vengeance. I tried to get your mother some help, but she would have none of it. You remember the case all over the news last year of that woman in Texas who killed all her children?"
"The Andrea Yates case? Yeah ~ and I remember you were really upset by it. Is this why?"
"Yeah. What I said tonight was true. I'd been afraid of what I might find someday when I came home, but I didn't know what else I could do about it. Your grandmother didn't do much to help, but when she did try, but Emily pushed even her away ~ perhaps she was afraid her mother would discover the truth and shatter the masquerade. I don't know. I came in from my shift and heard some water splashing upstairs. I went up to see if I could help and found your mother kneeling by the bathtub, almost like she was in a trance. There was some water in it; she'd been giving him a bath. Then I saw him under the water. He was struggling, but barely. I reached into the water and grabbed him out of her hands. I knew Emily needed more help than I could give her. That was the first time she went to Summit View. I also knew that I could not take care of a baby on my own, regardless of whose he was. I knew how much the Horton's had loved their child and they immediately came to mind as people who could take care of him. I didn't want to get the state involved ~ didn't want them deciding your mother's fate. I thought we could handle things on our own. That I could handle things on my own.
"I really did intend to go back for him once Emily was better. I'd promised myself that I wouldn't let him not being mine change how I cared for him. I told the truth tonight. I did go back to the house several times, each time intending to take him back. But they were so happy together. He was growing and doing so well and seemed to be so happy and loving towards them it would have been much more destructive to remove him from that situation. Emily was better, but for how long? I couldn't shuttle him back and forth every time she got sick. It was better that way."
"But Dad? Didn't Mom ever ask about him? What did you tell her?"
"I told her that I'd found a family that was healthy and willing to care for him. She was ok with that at first ~ she didn't want to upset me. Then one night she spilled out the whole story. She'd been so lonely and felt like no one at the mansion cared about her. There was some guy who was working on the grounds, and he provided her some companionship, helped ease her loneliness. She was so sorry. Swore it was only a couple of times. But she knew when it happened, when she conceived him. Knew there was no way he could be mine, but thought that I'd make the best father for him. After all, I had a steady job and we did love each other. She thought that maybe if she got warmer and more loving maybe something would happen and I would believe the baby was mine. It almost worked. She didn't know why she tried to drown him, something just came over her. She said it wasn't my fault, that I was wonderful. Said she didn't know what to do. That wherever he was, he was better off. After that, there would be times that she would demand to know where he was. I finally told her that the family had moved away. It was better that way, understand?"
"Yeah." I had to admit it did make sense. In a weird, twisted way. But what about this whole situation wasn't weird and twisted?
"Things got back to normal with us. Life was great! I worked my way up in the force, Emily was taking her medication, and we were communicating on every level. Even though the Church is completely anti-birth control, I was so careful. I didn't know ~ neither did her doctors ~ what another pregnancy and birth would do to Emily, so I did everything in my power to prevent one. Finally her doctors said that she was doing well enough to stop the medication, and that they thought she was emotionally and mentally stable enough for a baby, so we started trying. It took a while, but finally you came along. Our beautiful baby girl. The light of our lives."
"And Mom was ok? She didn't..."
"She did have a bit of a relapse into depression, but I'd saved up my vacation so I was able to take a few weeks off after you were born to help get things all settled. Both of your grandmothers came to help out ~ it's a wonder you weren't spoiled rotten before you were even 2 months old! This time the depression wasn't as bad. She'd hold you, sing to you, talk to you. I kept a close eye on you whenever you were with her. Especially around bath time. But I never saw her try to hurt you. Not then. Eventually the depression lifted and things were, or seemed to be, so normal. Eventually Emily got pregnant again, but that ended in a miscarriage ~ the one I told you about this summer. That's when she really slid back into the deep, dark depression. The kind that scared me, both for her and for you. That's why you spent a lot of time with your grandmothers or at the Montgomery's ~ until you asked about the 'slaves' of course ~ or at the precinct with me when I knew I was going to be mainly at a desk. I didn't want you to be alone with her for too long. I was too afraid of what she might do. I don't mean intentionally ~ I know that your mother would never have consciously hurt you. But this illness she had, it was like something else would come over her, possess her body and her mind. She didn't always know what she was doing. That's when she went back to Summit View."
"Dad? Back in the spring? When I kind of lost it? I went and talked with Dr. Stiles, the state psychiatrist who keeps a check on our office. It was at night. I was so afraid what happened to Mom was happening to me. He assured me that I was not becoming my mother and then he tried to walk me through the nightmare. The one with the staircase? I didn't get all the way through it ~ I screamed and ran out. But..."
"What, sweetheart?"
"Did Mom break the bathroom mirror and cut her hair and her arm with the shattered pieces of it?"
"Yes, she did. That's when I took her back to Summit View. I remember hearing you scream and running up the stairs and finding her sitting in the corner, blood everywhere. And you were standing frozen just inside the doorway screaming your head off, understandably so. I was trying to keep things in the family, that's why I called your grandmother, Emily's mother, to come and get you. She needed to know what was going on."
"Is that when she started trying to take me away?"
"That's when the first talk of you going to live with them started, yes. She started making comments about how your mother would never be like that if I didn't do something to make her that way, if it hadn't been for the baby ~ to my knowledge they never knew that he wasn't mine. I knew she was telling me that, but I didn't know what you were hearing until I came to get you one day. I'll never forget that. I came in the door and knelt down with my arms outstretched for the hug you always gave me when I came in. You just stayed on the other side of the room looking at me, your eyes as big as saucers. When I moved towards you, you shrieked 'No Daddy! I don't want to get sick too!' and ran for the stairs. My heart broke then, and I almost missed you as you ran by. But I caught you, pulled you into a huge bear hug, told you things were going to be fine and I wasn't going to let you get sick, and I took you home. You didn't go back to your grandmother's for a long time after that."
"She tried to turn me against you?"
"I don't know that it was intentional, most likely you overheard her talking to me or someone else and your mind put things together. But I didn't want to take any chances. I wasn't going to lose you. Your mother was put on medication again and came home. Once again, things seemed to be 'normal,' whatever that is. I was still worried about you being alone with her, but since you were starting school I knew that the amount of time you'd be home alone with her was minimalized. Things were going fine. And they stayed that way for a few years. We were one happy little family."
"Then I turned ten."
"Yes. Remember how I'd taken you out for a special birthday dinner?"
"Yeah. Mom wasn't feeling well ~ one of her headaches ~ so she said for us to go ahead. We ate out a lot back then. She didn't want to ruin my birthday."
"Right. When we got home, I could tell Emily was upset about something ~ something more than her headache. I glossed over it because I didn't want to upset you. You opened your presents, we had some cake, and you went to bed. After that, she told me that James had found us. He'd come by the house to talk with her, and she'd told him everything. Now, I didn't know what she meant by everything, but it sent a shiver down my spine. All I knew was that I was glad you were in school where you were safe during the day. The next day we got up and went about our morning as usual. Things seemed fine for a week. There was no sign of him coming back. Then we got to the 18th. That morning you had on those new shoes Emily had gotten you and were so proud and excited. And then... Well, we know what happened from there."
"Dad? Did he do it?"
"Based on the evidence, his print being the only one found, his anger, all that we know about him, I would have to conclude that he did. But his existence now, such as it is, running from one place to another, not having a stable home, is punishment enough. He knows what he did, and he can turn himself in at any time. Going after him isn't going to bring your mother back, isn't going to solve anything. It'll only open old wounds again, wounds that don't need to be reopened. That's why I said that it ends here and now. Ok?"
"Ok. But..."
"But what Jordan?"
"Nothing. Forget I started that sentence."
"Jordan..."
"No ~ forget it. I don't want to think about it right now."
"Ok, but when you're ready, please talk with me?"
"I'll try. That's all I can promise. But back to James. Dad, he knows where you live. What if he comes back and...?"
"Jordan, I've got an alarm specialist, a guy I used to work with on the force, coming by tomorrow morning, first thing. I'm putting a system in here and at Pogue Mahone. And I want him to look at your place too. I feel pretty confident about the morgue ~ please put him on the 'do not allow to enter' list tomorrow morning, by the way, or could you call tonight?"
"Yeah ~ I'll do that in a minute and verify that it's been done in the morning."
"Good. So I'll get a time he can come and look at your place. I don't feel confident about that. I don't have any reason to believe that he'll go after you, but I don't have any reason to believe that he won't. And the way he was talking and acting tonight, there's no way to predict what he might do. I don't want to take any chances with you. I know I've said it before, but you're all I've got."
"Oh Daddy. I'm so sorry for everything I put you through this summer. The investigation, the..."
"Jordan, I forgive you. I actually forgave you a long time ago. I raised you to follow the law, to do what was right. I shouldn't have expected you to keep what you knew a secret. I know you were only doing what you thought was right."
"But I..."
"Shh. It's over. I love you, and that's the end of it."
"I love you too, Daddy."
"Now. It's pretty late. I'm not overly comfortable with you going back to your place tonight. Do you want to stay here? I mean, your room's kind of, well, I'm getting it back to normal since Evelyn is gone, but there's the couch. Or I'll take the couch and you can have my bed."
"You know, Dad, I'd love to stay, but I really think I need to sort some things out, process what I've heard tonight you know. I'm not sure I can do that here. I need to talk to someone ~ not tell everything, but I need someone to be a sounding board for me. I'll find someone who won't say anything. And..."
"It's ok, Jordan. I can't and I don't expect you to deal with this on your own. Any thoughts on where are you're going to go?"
"Not sure. Maybe I'll go see if Garret's awake. Or..." Do I really want Dad to know about..?
"Or you could go to Woody's."
"Dad!" Great ~ I can feel my cheeks getting hot.
"I know the two of you are close...friends. Watching you two together sometimes reminds me of you and Jimmy Donnelly when you were kids. You know, Woody might be a good person to talk to, someone unconnected with my history at the precinct."
"Ok. I'll decide. Want me to call you when I get wherever I'm going?"
"That would be great sweetheart. And keep your cell phone on! You've got...?"
"Yes, Dad. I have 911 programmed into it. Speed dial 9."
"Good. I'll see you in the morning. And Jordan?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you baby."
"I love you too, Daddy. Good night."
**********
Jordan...
Dear God, please let him be home. And alone. I don't think I need to worry about that last part, but still... I wonder if I should have called first.
Ok ~ here I am. Now I'll just knock on his door and...
Is he even here? This is the right apartment isn't it? It sounds like the TV or radio or something is on, but he's not answering the door. Wait, I think I hear some rustling. Yeah ~ footsteps.
"Jordan? Hi! What's going on? Why are you...?"
"Hi Woody. Why am I what? Here?"
"Well, yeah. That too. But you're all wet. And you're shivering. And..." Oh sweet Jesus, I just saw her eyes. All red-rimmed and puffy. Something's definitely wrong. "And obviously upset about something. Come on in."
"Thanks. What are you doing?"
"I've got an extra sweat-suit you can change into ~ it'll be big on you, but at least you can get out of those wet clothes. Here you go. You can use the bathroom. How about if I make some hot chocolate or something?"
"Thanks Woody." God, what did I ever do to deserve someone like him in my life? He's so not like anyone I've been with before ~ friend-wise or otherwise. "Something warm would be great. I'll be out in a minute."
"Take your time. If you want to hop in the shower, there are extra towels in the linen closet-type thing behind the tub."
"Ok ~ I think I'll just change."
Woody...
What the hell has happened to her? She shows up on my doorstep late at night, all wet and shivering and looking like hell, in the best possible sense that can be taken. She's obviously been crying ~ but she seems so calm now. Well, calm for Jordan, which of course could still mean there's one hell of a storm brewing under her facade. Whatever it is, she came here to talk with me. And before I let my head get too big, I know that it could mean any number of things. And whatever happens, I'm not going to take advantage of her. I mean we never fully agreed to put the wall back up, but she wouldn't show up here in the middle of the night in the freezing rain just to verify that. Would she? I mean...
"Hey, thanks. This feels better."
"You're welcome. I knew they'd be big, but I had no..."
"It's ok. I think I have the pants tied up ok. At least they're warm and dry."
"If you're sure. Oh, wait. Let me get some socks for you."
"Woody ~ you are too much! Thanks."
"Alrighty ~ some warm, clean socks and a nice cup of hot chocolate."
"Mmm...thanks. Oh, wait. Can I use your phone? I promised Dad I'd let him know where I ended up and my cell battery's not working too well."
"Sure. Go ahead." So whatever has happened, Max knows something about it and they're obviously on speaking terms again if she's checking in. Which also means that whatever's happened it must be pretty major. Ok, she's off the phone now.
"So, Jordan? Somehow I don't think that you were just out for a walk and decided to drop in for a cup of hot chocolate, especially since you had to check in with Max. What's up?"
"Oh, Woody. I don't even know where to begin."
"Well, can we start by sitting down?"
"Yeah ~ good idea. Ok. I need you to do something for me, Woody. I need you to promise me."
"Jordan, what...?"
"I'm not doing any of the things that would require you telling someone ~ I'm not suicidal or homicidal. And I'm not being hurt by anyone. I need you to promise me. Just...please?"
"Ok sw-...Jordan. I promise." That was too close. I wonder if... Oh yeah, I'm getting a look. She caught it.
"Ok." What the hell did he almost say? Was it what I think it was? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But I'm here now. Might as well continue. "Woody, I did not go looking for this. It fell in my lap totally by accident and coincidence. I swear."
Good God, what is she talking about? If it's what I think it is then... "Ok. What's going on?"
"I'll start at the beginning. The other night at the morgue I got a call ~ sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Well, actually they were calling for Emily Cavanaugh."
"Emily? Isn't that...?" Good God ~ it's the stuff with her mother again.
"My mother's name. Yep. Remember I told you I didn't go looking for this."
"I remember. I don't think that even you could cook this story up."
"Thanks. I think. Anyway, it was a photo shop that was going out of business. They found some film she apparently dropped off in 1963 and never came back for. Some old 16mm home movie film. When I got to the store, it had already been picked up. By Dad only he wouldn't cop to it. He told me it was probably just a weird coincidence. The next day, when I found out he'd picked it up, I went to the house. He wasn't there, but he'd burned the film in the trashcan. I took it to the lab and Nigel was able to recover a few frames. It was of my mom in the kitchen of the house I first lived in. She was holding a baby."
"Oh, some old family home movies. That must have been cute. I'd like to see what you looked like as a baby. What? You're giving me a look. What else is...?"
"Woody, it was dropped off in 1963."
"Yeah. And?"
"And I wasn't on this earth until 1969. I should punch you for that one."
"Sorry ~ I forgot the date. Then who was the baby?"
"My brother ~ well, my half-brother."
"What?!?!?" Holy... No wonder she's so blown away.
"My reaction exactly. But the tale goes on. Seems Dad talked with a couple named Horton last night. He worked the case of their little 8-month-old son who was kidnapped in late 1961. His body was found in January of '62."
"Jordan, I'm a little confused. What does one thing have to do with another?"
"Dad gave James, that was their son's name and that's what they called the baby, to them. Mom was like 16 when she got pregnant with the baby. Apparently after he was born Mom went Yates on him and tried to drown the baby. Dad pulled him from her hands, took her to Summit View for the first time and took the baby to the Horton's and asked them if they'd take care of him. Told them Mom was not well and couldn't take care of him. Said he'd go back for him."
"But obviously he didn't."
"No. He said that he did go back on several occasions, but the family seemed so happy and James seemed to be doing so well there it would have been destructive to remove him again. He'd explained things to Mom, but said that the family had moved away and it was for the best. He said she generally accepted that, but sometimes got on him about finding the baby. And it also made things easier in another way."
"What other way? I'm not follow-... Wait a minute. You said half-brother earlier. You mean he wasn't...?"
"No. He wasn't Dad's. It was early in Dad's career ~ just after high school for him. Mom ended up pregnant and they got married quickly. Before they were married, Dad was doing third shifts and Mom got lonely. It was some gardener or something from the mansion ~ my grandmother's house. Dad knew ~ said he knew when he looked in the baby's eyes when he was born, and then the blood typing confirmed that there's no way he could be the father. But he swore he would care for the baby as if it was his own. No one would ever have to know."
"Ok. So all this came from the film being discovered? I understand that it's really upsetting, but I'm a little confused here." What else could have possibly happened? I figured out long ago that this family has more secrets than soap opera plots do, but this is getting all twisted around and confusing.
"I went to the Horton's earlier this evening and they told me the story of how Dad brought James, my half-brother James, to them one night. They said he had problems growing up. He was violent. He got angry really easily. One night, when he was 16, he found Mrs. Horton's diary and learned that they weren't his biological parents. He also found Dad's name. He threatened to kill the Hortons and ran away. He went to visit mom at some point, according to what he told us. That was September 17, 1979 ~ that he ran away and, I'm guessing that that's when he went to visit Mom since Dad and I were both out for a birthday dinner."
"September 17...isn't that the day before...?"
"Yeah. The day before my mother was murdered. And this little twisted tale gets even more twisted. You ready for more?"
"I don't know, but go ahead. Whatever you want to tell me."
"I took a trophy from his room. They'd left it the same as when he ran away. Nige pulled a print off of it. Wanna take a guess what we found?"
Oh my God. I think I'm beginning to get the picture here. "The print from your mother's murder scene?"
"Bingo."
"Oh my God, Jordan. You're not going to try and find..."
"He found us. Or Dad found him. I'm not clear on that part. I went back to Dad's and started looking for something. I don't even know what. Then the phone rang."
"Him?"
"Yep. How'd you like to be greeted with 'Hi, sis!' when you've only just learned about this guy ~ who I thought at the time was my full brother ~ this guy's existence? He said he and Dad were at the old house and that I should go down there for a little family reunion."
"Oh my God, Jordan. Let me get my gun and we'll go down there together and..."
"Woody, remember I said at the time I thought he was my full brother? I've already been there. He shot towards my head, pistol-whipped Dad, yelled at me, yelled at Dad, threatened both of us with a gun, and he ran off and sped away. Dad said that we ended it there. Woody, I've never seen him so upset. It was scary. Then we went to his house and he told me all this that I've just told you ~ well, some other stuff too, but that's not important. And I needed to talk to someone ~ lucky you. You were the first person I thought of. I just don't know..." Shit! I so don't want to break down in front of him. But I think the floodgates just broke and I don't want to stop now.
"Jordan, come here." I've never seen her cry like this ~ hell, I don't think I've even seen her cry before other than that night when she ran out the door to LA. She totally crumpled in front of me. I don't even know what to say. "It's ok, baby. It's ok. I'm here. I've got you." It's all gibberish I know, but gibberish and holding her are all I have to give right now. I don't even care what words I say. All this emotion has been bottled up inside her for so long. In a way I think I should call the psychiatrist who works with their office, but I promised her. It seems like she's calming down a little now...
"Woody?" God I want him so bad right now. It just feels so perfect to be in his arms. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be...
"Yeah?" She's kissing me again. I mean, I so don't mind her kissing me ~ it feels so damn good and so damn right. But I don't want things to happen like this ~ for all the wrong reasons. "Jordan, wait. Stop."
"What's wrong? Have you changed your mind since the desert? I didn't think you really wanted the wall back up."
"No, Jordan. God, no! I still think this could work. But not like this. I don't want us to fall into bed together because you're upset. Or because I'm upset. I want things to happen for the right reasons ~ that they're supposed to, that we love each other. You know?"
"Yeah, I guess so. But I don't want to be alone tonight."
"I'm not saying you have to leave. I'm just saying I don't want this to be the only reason we sleep together."
"Ok. Woody?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you at least hold me tonight?"
"Of course, Jordan. That I can do. As long as you need me to."
"Thanks."
"Try to get some sleep, ok?"
"Ok."
Jeeze Louise she's been through hell and back tonight. I guess I can kind of understand why Max would keep all this a secret, but at the same time it could have led to who knows what. This James guy doesn't sound like the most stable person, and he's just out there doing whatever. But I did promise Jordan. And there's no proof that he'd do anything to anyone else.
She seems to be calming down. Her breathing's evening out. Yeah, she's asleep. She looks so innocent like this ~ like an angel or something. Ok, I'm just going to ease the back of this futon down so we don't get sore muscles from sleeping sitting up. There. And she fits so easily into my arms. Curled right up to me ~ like she's meant to be there. Now I'm just going to try and get some sleep myself...
Huh? What? She's moving around and obviously upset about something. A nightmare. Do I wake her up or let her...
"NOOOO!!!! Help me!!"
"Jordan, sweetie, it's ok. I've got you. Shhh baby. It's ok. It's ok." You know, at this point, I really don't care what terms of endearment come out of my mouth. I just want to be here for her.
"Woody? What...? Where...?"
"It's ok, Jordan. You're at my place, remember? I guess you were having a nightmare. And after what you told me you've been through I'm not surprised."
"Ok. Did we...?"
"No. I promised to hold you and that's exactly what I've done."
"Ok." Not that I would have minded if...
She's still upset and crying. Calmer, yeah, but still crying. Maybe I should call...phone.
"Hello?"
"Woody? It's Garret. Nigel was just filling me in on some stuff he'd been helping Jordan with and..."
"I know, Garret. She's here now."
"She's there? Is that her I hear in the background? Is she crying?"
"Yeah ~ on all those. We talked for a couple of hours and then she cried herself to sleep. She just woke up from a nightmare screaming. She's calmed down to only crying now, but..."
"You want me to come over there?"
"Well, I promised her that I wouldn't talk about what she told me..."
"You aren't. You're asking for a little help from someone who's known her longer than you have ~ no offense intended there."
"None taken. I know you've been friends for like forever."
"Right. And I've seen her go through some really difficult times."
"Nothing like this. But I'll let her explain it if she wants. Come on over."
"I'll be there in 10 minutes. See you."
"Who was that?"
"Garret. Apparently he found some of the stuff you and Nigel had been working on and talked with Nigel who said something about the print matching. He was trying to find you. He's really worried."
"Really? Well, I guess he found me."
"Yeah. And he's coming over now. I didn't tell him anything. But Jordan, I think it would be good if you told him at least some of what you've told me."
"Yeah. You're probably right. I don't want to be fired again."
"Right." Again? What the hell does she mean by that? I guess there really is a lot to Jordan that I have no clue about. That doesn't mean I don't want to get to know it, but still... It's a lot to take in.
"Hey Woody? You know, I'm a lot calmer now. And we know we've got a time limit, and..."
"You're reading my mind again. Come here." Ok, so it's not exactly what I would prefer we were doing by now, but God, I could kiss her forever. If only Garret wasn't on his way over. No, Woody. Her pace. The right reasons. Don't push her. Let her set the tempo. The last thing you want to do is scare her off!
"Hey Woody? I really like you a lot."
"Thanks, Jordan. Knowing you like I do, I totally understand. And I like you a lot too."
**********
Knock, knock, knock.
"I guess that's Garret. You stay here, I'll get the door."
"Woody? Make sure it's him before you open the door?"
"Of course. Especially now."
"Thanks."
"Who is it?"
"Woody? It's Garret."
"Ok. Hi. Come on in. Sorry. I was pretty sure it was you, but you know how those peepholes are. I just didn't want to take any chances."
"Any chances? What on earth are you talking about?"
"I'll let Jordan explain. She's over here."
"Hey sweetheart. How are you? Nigel told me that you found a matching print. Don't be mad at him ~ he was really concerned about you and didn't know where else to turn." She looks ok and yet fragile at the same time. And she's not even attempting to resist my hug.
"Garret, I didn't go looking for this. It just happened."
"Yeah, I know. Emmy heard me talking to Nigel and she came in and said that you'd gotten a phone call that was originally for Emily Cavanaugh. Couple those two things and I got real worried real fast."
"Well, I'll give you the shortened version. Woody can fill you in on the details later if you want. But please don't say anything ~ especially to Dad. I promised him. He knew I was going to talk with someone and was ok with that, but..."
"Ok hon. You can trust me. And you can trust Nigel ~ he only came to me because he was so worried about you."
"Yeah. I know. I kinda figured he would. Ok ~ my night, the Cliffs Notes version. You already know that I found a print that matches the print. The other part to that is that it matches my half-brother."
"Your half-brother? I didn't even know you had..."
"Neither did I. He's around 7 years older than me. Dad gave him to another couple to raise after Mom tried to drown him. But he wasn't Dad's. He and Mom were together towards the end of his senior year in high school and still saw each other off and on when they could. Mom was 16. Turns out she cheated on him with some gardener at her parents' mansion. Apparently James ~ that's my half-brother's name ~ found his adoptive mother's diary and learned the whole story. He ran away from home the night of September 17, 1979."
"Isn't that..."
"Yeah. Mom hadn't been feeling well ~ some headache or something ~ but she told Dad to go ahead and take me out to dinner. Apparently while we were out, he showed up at the house and talked with Mom. She told him everything ~ or at least her version of it. Then she was murdered the next day and his print was the only one found."
"God, Jordan. That's one hell of a lot to take in."
"Yeah. And I got to learn the truth ~ well, part of it, the rest was at Dad's house afterwards ~ over in a darkened, abandoned house where Dad and I are threatened at gunpoint, I'm shot and yelled at, Dad's yelled at and pistol whipped. He's fine ~ don't worry. Then James ran out the door and took off."
"So that's why I asked who it was when you knocked. We have no reason to think he will come after Jordan, but we..."
"But we have no reason to believe he won't, either. Jordan, can you describe him so we can put a sketch at the guard's station?"
"Yeah, I hadn't thought of that, but I can definitely do that. However I did call them and asked that they clear anyone named James with me ~ or you ~ before they let him up. Gave them the last name he's lived with, Horton, too. Oh, and I told them under no circumstances were they to let anyone other than Dad with the last name of Cavanaugh upstairs unless they cleared it with me however they had to. I figure for next of kin, we should have names of probable people who may come to ID and/or claim a body in case we get another Cavanaugh in. And if one of those names is James, well, I'll make myself scarce quick."
"That's the Jordan I know. Even with your world crashing down around you, you've got a plan to deal with potential problems. Actually that sounds like a really good plan, and you've got me behind you 100% ~ I promise."
"Thanks, Garret."
"And Jordan?"
"Yeah?"
"Talk to Stiles? For me?"
"Ok, Garret. For you. I'll hate every second of it, but I'll do it."
"Thank you."
"Hey Woody? You've got a really weird look on your face. What's up?"
"Jordan, I don't even want to bring this up, but..."
"What?"
"Well, a question kind of popped into my mind when you were telling me the whole story, but I didn't say anything. And it came back this time. And if I know you like I think I do, it's probably in your mind too."
"Are you going to tell me?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure how you're going to react. What Garret?"
"I'm thinking I know where you're going with this, and trying to decide if we should even bring it up. Maybe it's something that Jordan..."
"Will you guys quit talking about me like I'm not here? I think I know what you're thinking he's thinking I'm thinking ~ is this getting confusing enough for you? And the answer is... The answer is..." What the hell is with these waterworks? I mean yeah I've learned a lot of stuff that was hidden from me my whole life, but still.
"Jordan, it's ok. I'm sorry. I should never have even brought it up."
"No Woody. I've thought it myself. I just haven't wanted to verbalize it. How can I be sure Dad really is my father?"
"Sweetie, I..." God, why did I even think about bringing this up?
"From what he told me, I have no reason to think that Mom was cheating again. And he said that she wasn't as depressed with me. And the blood types would indicate that he is. And we've always had a psychic and spiritual connection ~ a connection that he says he felt from the moment he held me the first time. And I don't know that I want to know. I'm afraid if I asked him, it would shatter the trust we'd built up. And I'm afraid of what would happen if..."
"Jordan, I'm a father myself. Now granted Abby and I haven't been through as much as you and Max have, and definitely nothing like any of this, but we've had our share of problems. If there was even a possibility and she asked me, I'd take a DNA test. And I'm sure Max would do the same. He may even be wondering the same thing himself."
"I don't know. I'd be too scared to bring it up."
"Ok, but if you decide you want to, we can pull the DNA from your mother's file and take a sample from you and Max and run it at the lab. Top secret."
"Thanks. Oh my God. Does that clock say 6:30?"
"Yeah it does. Sorry we kept you up all night Garret."
"No problem, Woody. Jordan, why don't you take the day off and get some sleep? We'll manage at the morgue without..."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Were you expecting anyone else to come and join this little party?"
"No Garret. You're the only one who called. Jordan, did Max say anything about coming over?"
"No."
Knock, knock knock.
"Ok. I'll get it. Jordan, Garret, be quiet please?"
"Of course. Jordan, you get behind me."
"Garret..."
"Jordan..."
"Ok, ok."
"Who is it?"
"Woody? It's Max. Jordan called late last night and said she was over here. I just wanted to come see her ~ check on how she's doing after everything that's happened. Can I come in?"
"Of course. Sorry about..." Well, he doesn't look mad. I've seen him look better, but after everything they've been through he looks pretty good.
"Don't be sorry, Woody. Thank you. Garret, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. You?"
"I'll survive. Jordan? You ok sweetheart?" She looks ok ~ a little tired, but ok. And at least she's been with friends.
"Hey Daddy. Yeah. Haven't slept a lot, but yeah. I'm ok." I'd almost forgotten how good his bear hugs feel. "We were just talking about you, actually."
"Me? Any particular reason?"
"Um, Jordan, I think Garret and I are going to move over to the kitchen and make some coffee and get some food together for a little breakfast."
"Woody, it's ok, really."
"No, you and Max talk. We'll be right over here."
"Ok."
"So Jordan, what were you talking about ~ I take it that it's something other than just what you learned last night."
"Umm...well..." I so don't want to do this.
"Somehow I have a feeling I know what about."
"You do?"
"There was one question that was never asked in our conversation last night. One that's been flying around my mind and I'm pretty sure it's been flying around yours too. One that you don't want to ask. One that I don't want to ask."
"Then why ask it?"
"Because we need to get everything out in the open, Jordan. Now ~ to the question..."
"And that is...?"
"Jordan, it's ok. We can talk about it. How do we know that I'm your biological father? Right?"
"Yeah. I hate to even think it, but..."
"I know, Jordan. I know. I've asked myself the same question. But there's always been a connection with you ~ from the very beginning. A connection on every level there can be between a parent and a child. And the blood types matched, so I never even let it enter my mind. The thought that you might not be mine hurt so badly I shut it totally out of my mind."
"Oh Daddy, I'm sorry. We can just..."
"No baby. If you want to get it checked, we'll get it checked. In some ways, even though I have no doubt in my mind that you're mine, I think it would make me feel better too. But no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere. We're not going to let results change our relationship, ok?"
"Ok. If you really want to then I guess we can. Garret said he'll do it himself at the lab."
"Yeah. We've still got the blood evidence from Emily's murder scene ~ even though no one could do much with them at the time, we have them."
"Ok. Thanks for doing this Garret."
"No problem, Max. Woody? Do you have any swabs and baggies here?"
"Yeah. I think so. Let me find them."
"This won't take but a minute, and then I'm personally taking this to the lab and running the test myself. Want to come down later and get the results?"
"Um, yeah. I guess so. Dad?"
"Sure, we'll do that, Garret. Thanks."
"Ok. Now all I need is..."
"Garret, wait. Dad ~ I don't want to do this. I don't care. Everything you've said would lead us to the fact that I'm yours. You've said that you felt it from the beginning. So have I. I don't care what the stupid genes say. You're my dad and I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. Ever!"
"You don't care if you ever know for sure? You're willing to let a mystery stay a mystery?"
"Daddy, it's not a mystery to me. Genes are just genes. Regardless of that, you're the person who raised me ~ alone even. You're my father ~ my Daddy! I owe everything about who I am to you. Nothing is ever going to change that. I don't care about a stupid test. I don't want to do it." Great ~ waterworks again.
"Oh Jordan. Come here sweetheart. Baby, I didn't mean to upset you. I just figured... But that doesn't matter. I feel in my heart that you're mine and that's all that matters to me. You don't want to do it we won't do it. Shhh. It's ok. Don't cry sweetheart. It's ok. It's over. It's over. I love you so much, baby."
"Here you go Garret. Sorry it took me a little longer than I'd thought."
"It's ok, Woody. We're not going to need them after all."
"Ummm, Garret? Did I miss something?"
"Yeah ~ we're not doing the test. Jordan doesn't want it."
"Jordan wants to leave something open ended?"
"She doesn't want it. She said that Max is her dad regardless of what a test might say. And they both feel the connection in their hearts. Given everything they've been through the past 6 months... It was really a beautiful scene."
"Wow!"
"Yeah. I've got to say I'm really impressed with her right now. Not only with this test thing. She's really blowing me away with how well she's handling the whole thing."
"Yeah. It's almost scaring me."
"Don't worry. I've already called Dr. Stiles. He's completely at her disposal ~ whenever she needs him all she has to do is pick up the phone. And I can call him in anytime I feel like it's warranted."
"Good thinking. You thing she'll go for it?"
"I don't know. She seems to be doing ok with you regardless if she takes his help or not."
"Garret! We're not..."
"Hey, I've told Jordan before that's none of my business. If you are, fine, if not, fine. Actually I think you're good for her ~ you give her some sense of balance and stability in life."
"I try, but sometimes I don't know."
"Word of advice? Take it slow. Jordan's kind of like a wild animal that way. You corner her and she'll do whatever she can to get away."
"Yeah. Don't worry. I'm letting her set the pace. With whatever happens."
"Ok."
"Hey guys. Am I interrupting something important?"
"Hey Max. Nah ~ I'm just filling Woody in on some tips for dealing with Jordan. Speaking of, where is she?"
"She cried herself to sleep in my arms, so I laid her down on the futon and pulled a blanket over her. She needs to sleep. So, Woody. Anything I should know? Not that I have rooms to talk given my revelations to her last night."
"Not yet, Max. I'm letting her take the lead with whatever happens."
"And he's not copping to anything."
"Probably better that way. You push Jordan..."
"I know, I know. You push her you get burned. At the very least."
"I'm not saying that. She's just...Jordan. There's no other way to say it. Hey ~ I need to head back to my house. I'm meeting with one of my old colleagues from the force who's an alarm specialist. Having a system put in at my place and at the Pogue. I'm also having him look at Jordan's place just to be safe."
"Sounds like a good idea, Max. Hey, I need to get over to the morgue. I'll head out with you. Woody, let me know if you need anything. If she needs anything."
"Sure. Max? You want me to send her to your place when she wakes up?"
"Nah. Unless she wants to come by. Let me know if she leaves to go home though? I'll check in later to see how she is."
"Ok. No problem."
"And Woody? Thanks. For taking care of her right now ~ for watching out for my little girl."
"Max, it's my pleasure. I'll see you guys later. Bye."
Woody...
And we're alone again. God, how is she holding up under all this? I can't even imagine. Everything she's had to deal with throughout her life and now this? Jeeze ~ how much is one person expected to take?
My God she's beautiful. I'm glad it's my day off ~ I'd use a sick day otherwise. She doesn't need to be alone right now ~ not after everything she's been through. I could sit here and watch her sleep all day. Not that I only love her ~ yeah, I said the "L" word ~ when she's asleep. I love everything about her ~ her spunk, her intelligence, her stubbornness, her mouth, her ability to get in your face, and yeah, even though she rarely lets it show, her vulnerability. In so many ways she still is that 10-year-old little girl who ran into her house and saw her murdered mother on the floor and the cops taking her dad away. And I want to know everything about her ~ her hopes, her fears, her dreams. It's so hard to take things as slow as I'm going to need to.
Maybe I can just sit down next to her ~ I need to sit down and I don't want to be even across the room from her right now. What if she has another nightmare? Ok Woody, careful. Good. Now I'll just shift so that this pillow's behind my back and... She's moving. No, no! Don't wake up, Jordan. Oh, ok. She just moved right into my arms again. If she's not asleep, she's doing one hell of a good job pretending. I'll just sit here and hold her.
***********
about 4pm the day after Jordan learned of her half-brother's existence and apparent involvement in her mother's murder...
Jordan...
Where the hell am I? Not my place. Not Dad's. I...wait a minute. Woody's. I'm at Woody's. I remember it now. Dad told me all the stuff that had been secret for so long. I came over here. Garret was here, then Dad came over and we had the whole DNA-test discussion ~ I'm so glad I decided not to do that. And then I guess I fell asleep. But where's Woody? Oh. That's what ~ who ~ is in the bed too. So that's what I'm laying on ~ his arm. That has to... Wait a minute. Good. Still dressed. Not that there's anything wrong with being naked in bed with him or what that would indicate, but I'd like to remember it you know?
He is so adorable when he's asleep. It's almost a shame to wake him up ~ and I'm definitely not doing the 'you're gonna be late for school' thing again! That whole 'Mama' thing was way too freaky. Hmmm... What to do? Maybe if I just...
"Jordan, are you always so fidgety when you wake up?"
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Great. Now he's going to be mad at me.
I love teasing her ~ not in a sadistic way. She's just so damn cute when she's all flustered. Ok ~ time to let her off the hook. "Nah. You didn't. I've been laying here trying to be still so I didn't wake you up." And trying to keep myself from rolling over and jumping you. But that's beside the point. "I figured you needed some sleep after everything."
"Ah. I see. Hey, wait a minute. Why aren't you at the precinct?"
"Day off. I do get those occasionally you know."
"Ha ha." Oh he's such the comedian.
"Seriously, it is. But even if it wasn't I would have taken a sick day."
"You not feeling well?"
"I feel fine, Jordan. You don't need to be alone right now. I would have taken the day to take care of you ~ make sure you're ok."
"Oh." Christ, I thought I was done with crying for a while. How the hell can I have any tears left after the past 24 hours? God, crying is bad enough, but in front of him...
"Oh, Jordan. Shhh. I didn't mean to make you cry. God, sweetie, it's ok. Come here." At least she seems to calm down pretty quick whenever I hold her. That's gotta be a good sign, right? "You know it is alright to cry, right? It can actually be a very good thing."
"Yeah, I guess so. I just hate it, though."
"Hate what? That you let that armor you live behind crumble? That you might actually let someone who actually cares about you into your life?" Shit. I didn't want that to come out the way it sounded ~ so angry. "That you might actually come off as being human? That you..."
Hey, there was only one way to stop that, so I did what I had to. God this guy can kiss. "Woody? You done yet?"
"I'm sorry Jordan, I just get so frustrated when you try to live like you're a robot or something. You've been through a hell of a lot in the past 24 hours ~ not even going into the rest of your life ~ and you're just trying to gloss over it."
"I don't mean to, but it's how I've always handled things. I guess I just don't know another way to handle them. It was easier than upsetting Dad even more. Just keep it in and deal with it myself."
"But babe, you don't have to do that anymore."
"I just hate feeling like I'm being taken care of ~ I always have. I'm serious. Relationships have ended over it before."
"But don't you ever get tired of carrying everything all by yourself? Wouldn't it be nice to have someone help you with stuff?"
"I don't know. I've never let myself have the luxury of that. I don't know that anyone would be able to deal with all my issues."
"Have you ever asked them to?"
"No. But Woody, I don't even know how to start. They'd just run the other way before I got even half-way through my story."
"Jordan, sweetie, I'm here. And look how much you've told me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm willing to listen, talk, do whatever you need."
"Whatever I need?" Yeah, maybe if I just kind of let my hand wander around and...
"Jordan. Please. I just meant..." Oh dear God I don't know how much longer I can resist this.
"Now who's trying to put the wall up?" He seems to be melting a little...
"It's just that...that..." What was I going to say? I can't concentrate with her kissing me and rubbing my back and..."
"That what? Woody, I'm here. Really here. I want this ~ have since the desert. Hell, since probably before that. And yeah, it scares the shit out of me that I'm actually feeling this way ~ about anyone, but especially about someone who, um, obviously feels the same way. I'm not going to regret this later. And I promise I'm not running anywhere. Ok?"
"You're serious about this. God, Jordan, you don't know how long I've waited for you to say that." Kiss her back you damn idiot. Oh yeah. God this feels so right. "Jordan, wait a minute."
"What now?" God he's driving me nuts.
"I just need to get something. Just..."
"Oh. Ok." That. Yeah, probably a good idea. I don't want to end up pregnant until I at least know where the hell this is going. "All set?"
"Yeah. Come here baby." Ok Woody. Easy. Don't push it too fast. You don't want to screw this up. Oh my God this feels so right.
Later...
"Hey farm boy."
"Hey you."
"What are you thinking about?"
"You. Me. You and me. Us. How right this feels."
"Yeah ~ me too." Good ~ the kisses still feel the same. Wonderful and perfect. "Woody? Thanks. For everything."
"My pleasure." And it really, truly is. No question there. "Hey, Jordan?"
"Mmmm?"
"Can you please think of another nickname for me? The 'farm boy' thing is getting pretty old."
"What, you don't like 'The Princess Bride?'"
"I knew I recognized it from somewhere. I guess I just never pictured you as 'The Princess Bride' type."
"Oh yeah. Hey, it was great ~ action and romance. Perfect mix for me. Don't tell anyone, though. I have a reputation to uphold you know."
"Your 'secret' is safe with me. But even with that lovely reference, can we please...?"
"Oh ok. I'll try to think of something else. But..."
"I can think of a few possibilities."
"Woody? I am so all right with this ~ with us. But I'm not ready to share us with anyone. So for the time being can we keep up our usual banter and whatnot when we're working a case together? Just for now? I mean, not that at least half the office doesn't think we're already together, but still; them thinking it and them knowing it are two totally different things. I want to be selfish for a while."
"Now that is definitely a rational decision I can get behind. No half-assed agreement this time."
"Good. Hey, I'm starved. Do you have anything to eat in this place? Food-wise?"
"Not really. Unless you're into peanut butter and jelly. I need to go grocery shopping."
"Oh. Well, we could order in. Or..."
"Chinese or pizza?"
"You pick. I can't even remember the last meal I had."
"Ok. With the weather, I don't know how long it would take them to get here. Wanna go out somewhere?"
"I'd really rather stay in." For multiple reasons. I mean, hey, he's got the day off. Garret gave me the day off. When are we ever going to have an opportunity like this just dropped in our laps again?
"Ok." What the hell is she thinking? I mean not that I'm complaining here ~ hell, it's more time to spend alone with her. "Chinese then. I'll just get a random assortment of stuff."
"Sounds good. Now when you get off the phone, come back over here?"
"Of course. Give me a minute."
"Of course." What is taking so long? Oh, good. He's done.
"All ordered. It'll be here in about 30 minutes."
"Good."
"Now was there any particular reason you wanted me back over here?" Is it me or have we slid into this way too easily?
"I just want you to hold me." And kiss me. And...
"Oh, is that all?" Did I sound too disappointed?
"For now, yeah. I just like how it feels in your arms. Warm. Safe. Like I'm loved." You know, it feels good to not always carry around that armor I usually have up. And to feel safe. And ~ ok, I want to know what happened to the Jordan I've been for so long. Not that I want her back. I just want to know where she went.
"Good. And you are ~ to all of the above." She does seem so different right now. Calmer. More relaxed. "I like how you feel in my arms too. And ~ not that I don't like the 'other' Jordan because I do; that's a big part of who you are ~ but I do really like the Jordan I'm getting to know here."
"Speaking of... Tell me a story?"
"A story? Any particular story?"
"Yeah ~ 'The Story of Woody.' Who you are, where you've been, what you love. That type of thing."
"Ok, I've never really though of my life as 'The Story of Woody,' but I'll try."
"That's all I ask."
"Ok. Let's see. Where to start? Oh yeah, I know... Once upon a time..."
"Woody."
"Hey, I thought you liked 'The Princess Bride'and all."
"But not when I'm trying to be serious. Really. I want to know about your life before Boston. Please?"
"Ok, ok. Well, you already know I'm from Kewaunee, Wisconsin. Lived there my whole life. I grew up pretty much like any other American kid. School, t-ball, Little League..."
"You played baseball?"
"Well, I tried. What I said in the desert was true. I was a chubby kid. The kind whose cheeks were always getting pinched by old ladies."
"Awww. I bet you were adorable. So what happened ~ was it baby fat or what?"
"That's what they said ~ the adorable part. Anyway, I graduated from high school and tried to figure out what to do with my life. I was always kind of the joke in school. I couldn't play football, I didn't make the baseball team, I wasn't the best student, that kind of thing. What I said about my prom date? That was true. I don't know if the whole thing with her accepting was a joke or if she just agreed so she'd have someone to go with and then when she got a better offer she took it and just didn't bother to tell me. Talk about humiliating ~ try showing up at your date's house as she's getting in the limo with another guy."
"Oh, Woody. I am sorry. I really am. I'd go kick her butt for you if you knew where she was."
"I'm over it Jordan. So over it." Did I just say "so?" God, she really is starting to rub off on me.
"Ok. But if you change your mind..."
"I'll let you know. Anyway, back to life after graduation. I wanted to leave, but not too many people who left right after high school stayed away for too long. I just kind of fell into the police department. The training helped slim me down..."
"And buff you up."
"You're making me blush. But I thought you wanted to hear 'The Story of Woody.'"
"I do. I'm sorry. Please go on."
"Ok. So I went through the training at the academy and joined the force. I liked it, but Kewaunee's not the most exciting place in the world. Maybe a traffic accident that needs to be investigated in depth here, a store robbery there, but it was rally pretty sleepy. So I kept working my way up, shooting for detective. I swore that once I got it I was out of there. And that's what happened. Boston had an opening, I applied, and here I am. Got my little studio apartment. Got a suit. Got some ties that you don't comment on anymore. Now I've got you in my life, and that's pretty much it as far as 'The Story of Woody' goes."
"I'm sure there's more to it than that. But I'll let it go for now. Thanks for telling me."
"You're welcome. Thanks for listening."
"No problem. Where the hell is that food?"
knock, knock, knock
"I guess that's it. I'll be right back and we'll have a picnic."
"Ok."
"Thank you. No, no. Keep the change." This smells wonderful. I guess I didn't realize how hungry I was. "All right, Jordan. Food's here. Let's eat."
"Yum! Thanks for getting this. I owe you one."
"No more owing. I don't have a problem buying you dinner once in a while. Though hopefully we can go out sometime soon. For a real dinner-date."
"Sounds good. I'd like that, Woody."
"Me too."
They finish eating...
"Fortune cookie time."
"Oh God, I hate this part. The last time I did this, I ended up... Well, never mind. It's not important. Serious lapse in judgment, but all is good now."
"Should I be worried?"
"God, no! Not at all! I'm in l-... I'm with you Woody. I want to be with you. Only you!"
"Ok. Now ~ do you want to go first?"
"No. I told you. I hate fortune cookies."
"Fine. I'll go first. 'Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.' Interesting."
"And fitting given your life ~ you were willing to work and look where you are now! That's pretty cool."
"And now it's your turn. Come on, let's hear it."
"I have to open it first. Hang on." Oh my God. I am so not reading this! No way!
"Jordan? It's open. Come on. It can't be that bad."
"Yes it can."
"Jordan. Give it to me."
"No!"
"Fine. If I have to tackle you, so be it. Give it here." Oh man, I did not mean to land on top of her like this. Not that I mind, but... "I'm sorry, Jordan. Did I hurt you? Am I crushing you?"
"No, I'm fine." I kinda like him laying on me like this, truth be told. "But you're still not getting..."
"Already got it. Let's see. Oh my God."
"Now you know why I didn't want to read it?"
"No. 'You are the guiding star of his existence.' What's so bad about that?"
"You really want me to be your guiding star? I'd probably steer you right into a cliff. Or off one."
"Jordan. Stop putting yourself down ~ being so hard on yourself. You are an amazing woman and I can't even believe you give me the time of day..."
"Now who's being hard on himself?"
"Touche. But seriously, Jordan. I really, really like you. I love being with you ~ at work or outside work. I think we make a good team."
"Yeah. Me too. But Woody, bear with me if I freak out or something. I'm not used to being this open with someone else and it's kind of scaring me."
"It's ok. I'm not running anywhere. You're not going to scare me off that easily. Now. It's getting late. Do you want to go home or to Max's or...?"
"I can't stay here?"
"Of course you can. I just didn't want to make it seem like that was your only option."
"Ok. Good. That's decided. You feel up to some playtime?"
"Of course." And I'm taking the lead this time...
**********
"Christ! Jordan? Wake up! Now!"
"Mmmm?"
"Come on, we have to get up! We forgot to set a clock last night. It's almost 8:30!"
"What? Where?"
"Do we have to go through this every time you wake up?"
"Oh, sorry Woody. Guess I was sleeping harder than I thought. You wore me out."
"Really? Well it was my pleas-... No! No really! Come on! I have to be at the precinct by 9 and you probably should go and let Garret know you're still alive."
"Good point. He'll sick Stiles on my in a heartbeat if I don't check in and be chipper and perky."
"Actually you being chipper and perky could make him do that even faster. Here ~ your clothes are dry. Please put them on now!"
"Gee. Thanks. Actually that's a good point. I'll just be me. Course I almost feel chipper and perky now."
"Why Jordan Cavanaugh, whatever do you mean?"
"I though you said we have to go. As nice as that feels, let me finish getting dressed."
"Ok, you're right. I'll try to control myself."
"Good. There ~ all ready. Now what about breakfast? I'm hungry again!"
"I'll buy us something on the way. Now come on!"
"Ok, ok."
They run to a little coffee shop just outside the morgue...
"What do you want?"
"Coffee and a bagel will be fine."
"Ok. Your wish is my command."
"Thanks."
"Now about later..."
"I already figured you'd check in later to see how I am. Wanna take it from there?"
"Yeah ~ plus not knowing what the day will bring. Ok. Here you go. Have a good day. And Jordan?"
"Yeah?" Don't kiss me now, please! Not that I mind, but I don't want to share with them ~ not yet.
"Be safe. I mean it." I would love to kiss her right now. But I understand her wanting to keep things quite for now. But friends do hug.
"I will, Woody. You too. Ciao!" That worked. Hugs are good. Not as good as... But we both have to go to work, so that will definitely have to wait.
"See ya." Sooner than later, I hope.
Jordan...
Ok. Things still look the same. Funny how you always think they're going to look different after something like what I've been through. I just hope that I'm not accosted as soon as I get off the elevator. I mean, I'm sure Garret hasn't said a lot, but sometimes that can be even worse. Ok Jordan, deep breath. The doors are about to open...
"Hi Dr. Cavanaugh. Welcome back."
"Thanks Emmy."
"Are things...?"
"I'm fine, thanks. Where's Garret?"
"In his office."
"Ok. Thanks."
knock, knock, knock
"Yeah? Who is...? Jordan! How are you?" Thankfully we know each other well enough that I can give her a hug every now and then without her misreading it.
"I'm ok, Garret. It's going to take some time, but I'm going to be ok. I promise. No running this time."
"Good. I meant what I told you yesterday. You need anything, let me know and I'll do whatever I can to help."
"Thanks, Gar. Speaking of... I was expecting Stiles to jump me the second I got off the elevator."
"He's in the conference room. Jordan, I'm not firing or suspending you ~ no one is. But I am ordering you to go and talk to him first thing. I know you've got Max ~ at least things seemed to be ok between you yesterday."
"I think we're getting there. It's at least better than in the spring and summer. The talk we had the other night, I think he's finally told me everything now and we can move on from there."
"Good. Jordan, I didn't say much about Max when you got back other than advising you to start with him, but every time I went over to Pogue Mahone, his eyes spoke volumes. He really missed you."
"Yeah. As much as I didn't want to admit it then, I really missed him too. I think things are getting back on track."
"Good. And you've got Woody. Don't give me that look ~ I saw you two yesterday and you're definitely not your normal sullen self. But I'm not 'Radio Free Garret.' I'm saying nothing to anyone about it. That's your business."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. But don't go into this looking for when it's going to end. He's good for you ~ a sort of calming presence in your life. Even if you only stay friends which is cool too!"
"Said with all the love in the world, I'm sure."
"It is. Remember when you first came back here and I said I needed you back here?"
"Yeah."
"I still do. And I don't want to lose you."
"Ok."
"And Jordan?"
"Yeah?"
"That means you've still got me. Me and Bug and Lily and Nigel. Speaking of, after you talk with Stiles it might be good to find Nigel and check in."
"Why? Is he mad at me?"
"Mad? No Jordan, he's not mad. He feels guilty. Like if he hadn't helped you with the film and the phone trace and the print..."
"That none of this would have happened? Garret, eventually things would have come to light ~ somehow. Besides, if we want to get technical, it was the girl down at the film shop who started me on the trail this time."
"Right. But go talk with him? He's been walking around like a zombie the past couple of days. Hasn't really even wanted to use any of his 'toys.'"
"Ok. Maybe I should go and find him fir-..."
"Jordan. Stiles. The conference room."
"Ok, ok. I'm going."
"Hey Jordan?"
"What?"
"I'm glad you're ok. We all need you around here."
"Thanks Garret. In a twisted way, I need this place and you guys too."
"Ok. Now ~ conference room."
"Yes sir." Ok, Jordan. Just brace yourself. You know how he is. Just be prepared.
"Ah, Dr. Cavanaugh. Come in."
"Hi."
"Jordan, you don't have to look so worried. I just want to check in. Garret has filled me in a little and I just want to make sure you're ok."
"Yeah. I mean, I've learned a lot of stuff in the past couple of days, but I think I'm doing ok."
"Stuff like...? Remember everything is confidential."
"I know. I've just told the story a few times and it's kind of long. I'll give you the highlights."
"Ok. For now. Eventually I may need to know more."
"You mean if I start to lose it again?"
"I mean in case I need to know more in order to help you."
"Ok. So let's see. It all started with a call from a film shop that was closing. They called here asking for Emily Cavanaugh. Turns out Mom had taken some 16mm home movie film in and never picked it up. Dad picked it up and burned it. Couple those two things and I couldn't leave it alone."
"Given the history there that's understandable."
"Thank you. So anyway, Nigel restored some of the film for me. It showed Mom in the kitchen of the first house I lived in holding a baby. But it was about 6 or 7 years before I was even on the earth. Nigel traced Dad's calls and that led me to a couple where I learned that I had a brother. And that he ran away from them the night before my mother was murdered. I took a trophy from his room and Nige pulled a print off of it. It matched the phantom print. Then he called."
"Your brother?"
"Yes. He and Dad were at the old house ~ the one we lived in until I was 2. So I went over there. He yelled at us, tried to get Dad to say why he really gave him away ~ oh, yeah, that happened after Dad found Mom holding him under the water in the bathtub ~ then pistol-whipped Dad. Apparently James, that's his name, went to our house one night and talked to Mom and found out that he wasn't Dad's child. Oh wait, when I said he killed my mother, he said 'Fine, if that's what you need to believe.' Then he ran off. I started to go after him, but Dad said no. Then we went back to his house and he told me everything. At least I believe him this time that he's told me everything."
"That's a lot for one person to have to take in."
"Yeah. It was sort of a shock. Oh, but I did find out one thing that I really think will make the nightmares stop."
"Which is?"
"Remember when I went to your place last spring and you were trying to walk me through the staircase nightmare?"
"Yes. You screamed and ran out."
"Well, where I was at that point was in the bathroom."
"I remember that you said there was water all over the place."
"Right. Well, what I saw when I screamed was Mom sitting in the corner holding a piece of broken mirror in her hand so tight she was bleeding. She was trying to cut her hair using that piece of mirror."
"Understandably upsetting. Especially for a five-year-old child."
"Right. Well, I asked Dad about it and he said that that really did happen. It was then that he had Mom admitted to Summit View."
"That must be something of a relief. At least you know you weren't just imagining it."
"It was. So that's pretty much it. Dad and I had a long, long talk, and I really think things are going to be better with us now. Then I went and spent a day or so with a good friend who understands me ~ or at least is willing to try."
"That's always a good thing."
"Yeah. So I really think things are going to be ok. I haven't felt this way in a long time."
"Ok. But Jordan? How are you, knowing he's out there and all? And not knowing for sure if..."
"You know, I think I'm actually ok with it. I think it was as much the not knowing anything as much as it was anything else. I mean, yeah, I'm still angry ~ I did have to grow up without a mother and that wasn't fair. But I really don't know what good going after him would do. It would only isolate me from everyone I care about again, and I don't want that. I've missed Dad too much."
"It sounds like you've got a good handle on this. Just know that I'm here and I'm willing to listen and work with you whenever you need it."
"Thanks Howard. I think I'm going to go and find Nigel now. Garret said he's been feeling kind of guilty."
"He spoke with me yesterday. I tried to reassure him that you probably would have found these things on your own anyway and that I was sure you didn't blame him, but I don't know that it did much good."
"Of course not! I mean that I don't blame him, not that it didn't do any good."
"Nice cover. I understood what you meant. But I'm not sure how much he bought. I think seeing you and talking with you would be good for him."
"Ok. I'm off to find him now." Jeeze, I didn't mean to get Nige upset. Wait ~ I'm picking up Woody-isms now. What fun! Let's see. If I was Nigel where would I be? Right, somewhere around the computers and things."
"Nige?"
"Jordan! Good to see you. Listen luv, I'm so sorry that I was a part..."
"Nige, it's ok. You only helped me because I asked you to. I'm not about to shoot the messenger."
"Really?"
"Nigel!"
"Ok. I'm sorry. I just didn't know..."
"Yeah. I know. So I guess I owe you an explanation."
"If you don't feel up to it it's ok."
"Well, I'll give you the bare bones. The baby in the film, and the owner of that no-longer-phantom print, is my half-brother."
"Oh my God. And you had no idea he even existed."
"Nope. But he's gone somewhere now ~ run away again. Apparently that runs in my mother's genes."
"Jordan..."
"Ok, ok. So yeah. My dad and I talked and things are good there ~ I think."
"But did this half-brother kill your mother?"
"As Dad said, based on the evidence he would have to conclude that James did it. But James didn't exactly confess ~ 'Fine. If that's what you need to believe,' were his exact words. Not exactly a confession."
"Hmmm."
"But Nige? I'm ok with it. Really."
"Are you sure you're the real Jordan Cavanaugh?"
"Very funny. Yeah. I don't know. This whole thing, my talk with Dad, spending time with... Never mind about that."
"Spending time with who? Are we going to share with the rest of the class?"
"I said never mind. I'll share with the rest of the class when I'm good and damn ready to share with the rest of the class."
"Ok. But whoever he ~ it ~ was, that obviously helped you."
"You're not getting anything out of me. But yeah. That did help..."
"Jordan!"
"Bug! How are you doing man?"
"I'm fine. But..."
"I'm fine. I promise."
"Really?"
"Hi Lily. Yes. I promise. I'm fine, and as I told Garret and Stiles, I'm not running anywhere. I'm here for good."
"Good. And Jordan, I know that we're friends and all and it might be weird, but if you ever want to talk to someone..."
"Who's not Stiles? Thanks Lily. I might take you up on that sometime. In the meantime, group hug?"
"Everything ok in here?"
"Hey Garret. I think so. I've just been telling them that I'm ok. That I'll share stuff with them when I'm ready. That type of thing."
"Then she suggested a group hug."
"Nigel!"
"Ok, who are you and what have you done with the real Jordan?"
"Oh come on guys. Can't I show a little positive emotion without you all freaking out on me? I was just telling Nige that I've got my dad. I've got the person I have spent a lot of time with these past 36 hours ~ and no, I'm not telling who. I will share when I'm ready to share. I want to be selfish for a while. And I've got all you guys here. You're my family. 'It's little and broken, but it is still good. Yes, still good.'"
"I didn't know you could do Stitch that well."
"Well, Nige, it kind of fits, don't you think?"
"You know, in a twisted way it does. Ok mates, Jordan's right. Group hug!"
"Excuse me, Dr. Cavanaugh?"
"Yes Emmy?"
"A call just came in for you from dispatch. There's a body they just discovered over near Tufts. You were requested."
Requested huh? Gee, I wonder who could have possibly caught the case. "And life goes on as normal. Ok, thanks Emmy. I'll just go and get my stuff."
"It's good to have you back Jordan."
"Thanks Garret. So Nige, you want to ride shotgun and help with evidence?"
"Sure. Just let me grab my stuff.
End.
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