After their adventures in LA, Jordan and Woody find themselves lost in their own thoughts on the long cross-country flight home. (Conversation will be set off by quotation marks. The rest will be their own individual thoughts.)
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, please place your seat backs and tray tables in their full upright and locked position and make sure that your seat belt is fastened. We'll be leaving the gate shortly for immediate take-off," the flight attendant's clipped voice sounded over the plane's speakers.
"Hey, Woody? I know you didn't want me to come along, but, well, thanks for tolerating me."
"Jordan, I don't see it as tolerating you. And actually I'm glad you came. You 'bring a certain charm to the occasion.'"
"Ha ha. Very funny. At least you didn't have to kill a guy this time."
"Now who's being funny? Great, we're about to take off. This is what I hate most about flying. Well, that and landing. Planes were made to fly - not for taking off and landing."
"Gee, thanks for that comforting thought. I'm gonna try to get some sleep, ok?"
"Sure. I'm not really good company on this part of the flight."
"Yeah, I remember. I've flown with you before. Night Woody."
"Night Jordan."
Jordan:
Who am I kidding? Sleeping on planes has never been my forte ~ hell, sleeping hasn't been one of my strengths for a while now either, but that's beside the point. But I really don't want to talk the whole way home. I need to figure some things out on my own before I start joint-analyzing things. At least I think I bought myself some time with the whole wall concept - though he never actually agreed, just said it was a rational decision. And I guess I didn't exactly agree to it either with the kiss 'for the road,' huh?
But God, it felt so right, that first time in the desert. I don't know, for once words failed me and that just felt like the only thing to do. And damn he can kiss! If only that weird guy hadn't pulled up in his truck, who knows what could have... Probably better that he did - I don't want to mess this whole thing up. Which in and of itself is very much not like me based on past experience. When have I ever really cared about a relationship before? But God that kiss! Oh, and let's not forget when the sheriff and I went into that weird guy's house and he was all tied up, in his boxers no less. Way too cute! And hot, definitely hot! Actually had there not been other people there, untying him would have been the last thing on my mind. But then again, that would have been moving faster than I want this to go. I mean it just started the night before with that kiss...
Well, I guess it started (ok, started on my end that I was willing to admit to) when I bought the plane ticket to LA ~ boy getting that request past Garret was NOT fun! I had to practically sign my first-born (assuming of course that I have kids some day) and swear on my mother's grave that I was NOT running away and that this had nothing to do with everything over the summer. Why did I do it? I mean, yeah, I'm always jumping into my cases feet first, but I've never had one that I traveled cross-country for ~ well, not an official one anyway. I don't really know what compelled me to follow Woody out there, especially when he made it clear that he didn't want me out there. Ok, I do know...I wanted to make sure he was ok, and be there to help if he wasn't. That's new for me too. Maybe he was right - maybe I can reinvent myself in some ways without having to run away or leave everything in my past behind me. Hmmm...interesting concept.
So ok ~ we kissed, and as much as I might have protested, I can't pretend it didn't happen. Yeah some kisses you can, but not one that makes you feel the way that one made me feel. And I assume made him feel if he was still thinking about it before we left. So I can't pretend it didn't happen. But it's so scary for me to be in this place - feeling these feelings, thinking about really truly opening myself up to someone else. No one knows all of who I am inside. Not Dad. Not Garret. Definitely not Stiles. Not Tyler. No one I've ever known knows me as well as I'm finding myself willing to let Woody get to know me. And God knows there's enough there to scare off a whole bunch of grizzly bears! The nightmares are still there, maybe not in the causing me to lose sleep way that they were last year, but there are still nights when I wake up screaming and shaking. Can I really subject someone else to those? And realistically he is a cop and I know the inherent dangers in that line of work. Do I want to set myself up for losing him?
Why not, Jordan? Can you guarantee that you will lose him? No! You can't! Can you guarantee that you won't lose him? No! Can't do that either! And you can't really live life to its fullest if you're always worried about what might happen. Look at how far you've already let him into your life, your heart, your mind. Are you really going to pass on the one person who could be the person who somehow manages to crack through the shell you've put around yourself ever since that day you ran into the living room and saw Mom dead on the floor? The person who could... No, I'm not putting the pressure of being the person to 'save' me on anyone other than myself. But, well, I guess having someone with me along the way might now be a bad thing. And Woody has stuck with me through a lot and hasn't shown any signs of wanting to run away from me. Maybe I should give this a chance - but slowly!! I don't want to rush into anything so that it crashes and burns like all my other relationships. If he is "The One" for me, which I'm actually scared to admit I'm starting to think, I so don't want to screw this up!!
I'd love to look at him right now, but I can feel his eyes on me. Maybe if I shift around I can peek from under the blanket... There - yeah, he's definitely watching me. And with this look on his face that I haven't ever seen before. Well, not directed at me anyway. He looks like he wants to touch me, hug me, hold me, something, but at the same time doesn't want to wake me or, I guess, upset me. Maybe I should stop pretending to be asleep...
Woody: (simultaneous to Jordan's thoughts)
Ok, we're in the air now. If only I could sleep. But so much has happened. Not professionally, though figuring out that the sister did it did take some work. It's everything else that's got my mind spinning.
First, why on earth did she follow me out here? Dumb question Woody. You practically forbade her to come and for Jordan that's a direct challenge. But you know, as annoying as that little character trait is, it's one of the most endearing things about her. Course it does tend to get her into trouble and make her need rescuing, though she'd never admit to that!! And I for one don't want to ever see anything happen to her. Especially not if I can prevent it. I mean, I can think of at least one time when my stupid actions put her in danger ~ that time when we were trying to catch the guy who killed that woman to fulfill one of her fantasies. Ok, yeah, that set up was Jordan's idea, but I agreed. And then that guy we all missed almost got out the door with her. Not that she doesn't have this tendency to do things that jeopardize my career or my life, but deep down I know she means well and is only doing what she knows to help.
And then that kiss. Oh God, that kiss. I have waited so long for that to happen. Practically from the moment I met her. I always figured I had no chance with her at all, and then as we got to know each other a little better I started thinking maybe. But there was no way I could push her. There's still no way I can push her or else she's gonna run the other way as fast as she can. That's why I only somewhat agreed to put the wall back up. But I didn't commit. And she did agree to my little 'one for the road' thing, and she did snuggle up to me afterwards. So I'm thinking that she's not necessarily really wanting the wall back up - she just needs time and space to figure things out. And I'm willing to do this on her terms if that's what it takes. However agonizingly slow things might be for me.
And I'm not stupid. I know she's got problems ~ issues, really, more than problems. As much as we talked about leaving a place where people don't know your history, me leaving Wisconsin and who I was there behind was easy. When you've seen your murdered mother's body and dealt with everything she's had to deal with, you really can't erase that from your past. And really, if she tried to totally change herself and leave all that totally behind her ~ as if she could ~ she wouldn't be Jordan anymore. At least not the Jordan I've grown to love. And as much of a pain as she can be, I really do love her. Am I crazy enough to think that I can be the one and only person who can rescue her? No ~ I know that she's got to do a lot of that work on her own. Do I want to be the person beside her while she's dealing with it? You bet! Maybe I haven't been through even a quarter of what she has, but she has opened up to me ~ I think more than she has to a lot of people ~ and she seems to trust me. And she is the one who leaned in to kiss me first! Not that I wouldn't have kissed her at some point, but for some reason I feel like I need to let this progress on her terms, and if that means she makes all the first moves so be it. I'm not a shrink, but I've got a good solid shoulder to cry on and I can definitely hold her and comfort her. I could hold her from now until the end of the world!
She's moving. With that damn blanket I can't tell if she's really sleeping or just pretending to sleep so she can think. Yeah, I know it could be to avoid me, but I'm going to think positive and say think. Wait a minute. Do I see an open eye under the blanket? I could just reach over and touch her hair or...no Woody, remember you don't want to scare her. Jordan's terms. Everything at her pace on her terms.
"Woody?"
"I thought you were asleep."
"Couldn't."
"Oh. Ok. What's up?"
"Woody, about the wall..."
"Jordan, it's ok. Really. You don't have to..."
"Would you let me talk? Please?"
"I'm sorry. Go ahead."
"It's just that this whole thing scares the hell out of me. No one has ever gotten to know me the way you do. Yeah there are people who know me, but no one, not even my dad, knows some of the things about me that you know. And no one's understood me the way you do. And, well, I don't quite know what to do. On one hand I'm afraid to let you in, but you're already in. And then there's...well... Ok, I'm just gonna say it. Woody, I'm really messed up in a lot of ways. I still have nightmares and wake up screaming and shaking. Things that don't bother other people really upset me, and I can't predict when or how. I'm terrified to get this close to anyone because I don't want to lose you ~ them ~ forever and be hurt like when I was 10! I can't do that again! But at the same time, you seem to understand me, and all my crap doesn't seem to scare you. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into things, but I really feel like you could be the one person I can reach out to and connect with on every level of my being. But at the same time I'm terrified!"
"Jordan, first of all thanks..."
"Thanks? For?"
"Now it's my turn. Let me finish?"
"Ok. Sorry."
"Thanks for trusting me enough to talk to me and not just shut me out of your life. It really means a lot cause I know how hard that is for you. Second, I'm terrified too. I know a good deal, not all, but a lot, of what's in your past, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was scared to death of all the implications that has. But at the same time, it's a fear I'm willing to live with. I know I told you before that you don't have to go through this alone, and I mean that. If you'll let me, I'll be there with you, hold your hand, walk with you as you go through it so to speak. If that makes any sense."
"I think it does...but probably only to you and me."
"That's ok. And Jordan, I'm willing to take this at your pace. You may have figured out that I'm not 100% behind your 'good, rational decision' to put the wall back up...
"Yeah, I kinda did..."
"And I'm not totally convinced that you're really behind it 100% either."
"Probably not. It just seemed the 'safe' thing to do."
"I can understand that."
"But I don't know if I want 'safe' anymore. But at the same time I don't want unknown either."
"I'm 'unknown' now?"
"No! I didn't mean it like that. In a way yeah, unknown but not a stranger. I mean there's still plenty of stuff for me to get to know about you, but I do already know you a little and..."
"And?"
"And I want to explore this whatever could be between us. But I'm so scared."
"I know, Jordan. I know. And it's ok to be scared. I am too. But it's a scared I can live with."
"I think it's a scared I can live with too, But you're gonna have to be patient with me. Ok?"
"Of course it's ok. Jordan, I'm willing to take this as slow as you need to. I'm not saying let's just do it ~ join the 'mile-high club' and all that. If all I do in the next two weeks is hold you on the rest of this flight home, that will be ok with me. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I promise."
"Really? You're willing to do that for me?"
"Why wouldn't I be? Wait. Don't answer that."
"Ok. I think we can take the wall back down. I think I feel safe enough to do that."
"Good. So what do you want?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, right now."
"Hold me?"
"No problem. Come here."
On the plane, about an hour outside of Boston...
"Woody? You awake?"
"Mmm...yeah. Now I am. Have you been awake the whole time?"
"No, amazingly enough I think I fell asleep not too long after we decided that these seats worked better with the arm rest up."
"Well, it might not have increased the legroom, but I've gotta say, it felt really good holding you in my arms."
"Woody!"
"My, my. I do believe Jordan Cavanaugh is blushing. I didn't know that was possible."
"Do you want me to hit you? Actually it felt pretty good to me too. And you know something?"
"Huh?"
"This is the first time in about as long as I can remember that I haven't dreamed about that day. Or the time before."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I don't know, I mean I don't have the nightmares EVERY night, but often enough. Anyway, it did feel really right to be in your arms..."
Jordan:
Oh God, it felt so right. I could so just run into this thing, but I so don't want to lose him and end up with a broken heart in the process. Yeah, that's right. He's already worked his way in there. I think for a while, but I wasn't ready to see it.
How could I have been so wrong about him? I mean at first I really though he was a joke ~ those God-awful ties and all. But little by little ~ one requested case at a time, he wormed his way right into my heart without me even realizing it. I guess the same thing happened with him only faster. Let's see...all the requests whenever he drew a homicide, him being so worried about me when we did that set-up to catch whoever killed that fantasy woman, that time right before I left on that mad chase that led me nowhere except almost off the top of a building, him coming all the way to LA to bail me out and take me home...and killing that guy to save my life.
And yeah, I've been worried about him too. When it looked like he'd killed Cynthia, I was worried. And I didn't know what I'd do if he left. Not that I could tell him that when he wanted me to ~ I mean, God, Dad was standing right there well within earshot. Oh, Dad... I don't know if he's going to be more happy for me or more worried for Woody. But then again, I don't think we necessarily have to share this with him yet...with anyone until we know for sure what's going on and even then...
"Earth to Jordan. You there?"
"What? Oh, yeah. Sorry ~ I was just thinking."
"That seems to be going around. Wanna share?"
"Oh look ~ they're bringing some type of breakfast around. Wonder what we're having."
"Jordan.."
"Ok, ok. I was thinking about this whole thing. You know, you and me..."
"You mean 'us?' You can say it Jordan."
"Ok, I was thinking about us. Happy now?"
"I don't know. What about us?"
"Just how I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I'm so scared of screwing this up. Of screwing you up. Of breaking my own heart. Of..."
"I know. I don't want to hurt you either. And as hard as that shell is that you try your damndest to keep up, I know just how fragile and vulnerable you are under that shell. And the thought that you're even thinking about trusting me enough to let me in scares the shit out of me. But I think it's a risk I'm willing to take."
"I'm getting there. Just give me time. I've had the shell up for so long it's hard to let it down, but I'm really trying. I promise."
"I know. So anything else running around in that...mind of yours?"
"Thanks for not saying crazy."
"Jordan, you're not crazy. A little strange at times. A lot impulsive. But not crazy!"
"Yeah, I guess. Anyway. I was actually thinking about Dad and what he's gonna think. Not that I want to tell him right away. I want to keep this between us until I'm feeling a little more sure of this new Jordan you seem to be bringing out. And of us. Does that make sense?"
"A lot."
"I'm thinking we can pretty much be ok at the morgue. I think most of them already think we're alternating nights at each other's places. Garret might figure something out, but I think he won't say anything in public. And if he talks to me in private, I'll figure that out when we get there."
"Makes sense. And I don't think anyone at the station will look twice."
"Oh I don't know. Dad does still have some friends down there. We should still be careful. But it's not like we're gonna be making out in your office or mine, especially now that I'm 'sharing space.'"
"We're not? Damn, and I was so looking forward to trying out those slabs in the crypt."
"You're twisted."
"I can be."
"Seriously, I think at our jobs we'll be ok, at least for now. It's around Dad I'm worried. He can read me pretty well, even when we're not getting along overly well. I mean things are better, but still."
"Jordan, I know he loves you. While you were gone this summer, he looked like hell not knowing where you were. I went by the bar almost every night. We didn't exactly say your name, but we had our codes and stuff. He was worried to death about you. So was I."
"Thanks. Anyway, I don't think it'll take him long to figure things out. He's still pretty sharp."
"I almost think he already thinks there's an us, Jordan. Remember the Montgomery case? Well after I coaxed your little confession of worry out of you and you decided it was time for some dancing, he came over and I just knew he was going to try and warn me off you, so I cut him off saying what I thought he was going to say..."
"Which was?"
"You really want to go there?"
"Hey, you started it!"
"Ok, I figured it was going to be that you're a handful of trouble and I should just keep moving."
"Gee, thanks!"
"Anyway, he said he was only going to say he was glad things worked out and then said that maybe I should listen to that little voice in my head."
"Hmm...maybe you should."
"Well, if I did that now we'd both be in trouble."
"Same voice?"
"Same voice, different words. Way different words."
"Why Woodrow, are you implying what I think you're implying?"
"Probably, but I'll settle for a kiss."
"Hmmm...sounds good."
Woody:
Yeah, this definitely feels right. I am so not going to do anything to mess this up. Hard as that may be, I will take this as slow as she needs to. At least I'll save money on hot water!! I wish this stupid flight didn't have to...
Jordan: (simultaneous)
Oh yeah. There's definitely something there. I could kiss him forever. His lips feel so right on mine. And I definitely felt just right in his arms during the flight. He says he's willing to go at my pace, I just hope...
"Ladies and gentlemen, please return your seatbacks and tray tables to their full upright and locked positions. We'll be landing shortly."
"Great."
"Hey, our tables and seats are locked. We're good to go. Now shut up and kiss me, farm boy!"
"Jordan, do you think you can come up with a better nickname? That's kinda worn out now."
"Hmmm...I'll see what I can come up with."
"Ok. Come here."
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying with us today. Welcome to Boston's Logan Airport."
"Damn it! I really hate that flight attendant."
"Woody, calm down. There's plenty of time for this later."
"Promise?"
"I promise. Why don't we go to our own places and meet up for dinner tonight?"
"Suggestions?"
"Well, I do know this little place. The foods not much, but the atmosphere is great. And I think the owner will give us a break."
"Ok. So I'll see you at the Pogue around six?"
"Yeah. See you then. And Woody?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks! I...I really like you."
"Thanks Jordan. Coming from you, that means everything. See you tonight."
End.
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