This story is a follow up to "112" or "Upon This Wasted Building." It's largely written as individual mental monologues where each of the characters begin to come to grips with what happened in and surrounding the building. The whole episode left me with an unfinished feeling, and these have been playing through my head the
whole time.
**********
Woody...
Jeeze! I was feeling better about things having set an innocent man free, and then I heard the news... She'd been talking to the guy who did it the whole time and thinking he was a security guard. I've got to get over there now! I don't know if there's anything I can do, but I've got to try...
She looks like a refugee from some war-torn country, all dazed and just kind of wandering around. I know that in a way we're all victims of this horrid thing that's happened, but she looks especially like one. I've got to try to do something. Going over to her now...
Ok, this is really wrong. She's not talking. Of all people, Jordan Cavanaugh has absolutely nothing to say. She just looked at me with those haunted eyes...the eyes of a little lost child. Jeeze, I have no idea what to do. I expected her to be a little shaken, but this is beyond anything I could have imagined. There's only one place to go now...just gotta get her to my car. Max, I really hope you're at the bar. I don't know where else to turn.
Max...
I had heard about the building on the news and knew that the ME's office was taking charge of the recovery, but somehow things didn't click until Woody walked through the door with her. Oh God, I know that look only too well. Regardless of anything she's done to me in the past, she's my daughter and I've got to do what I can to help her. I may be the only one who can get through to her. She had that exact same look on her face 23 years ago. Somehow I thought that working in an ME's office would immunize her against this attachment and haunted look I see now. It had seemed to before.
But something tells me the stakes have changed now.
"Jordan! Jordan, talk to me!"
No response. Well, no verbal response. She did at least look at me with those lost haunted eyes I know all too well.
"Max, I've tried everything I know to do to get her to talk. She's just..."
"She's not talking?" My God, it was worse than I thought. When she gets monosyllabic it's bad, but not talking at all? Dear Lord please help me. I know I've been angry with her, but she's all I've got. I can't lose her now. Let's sit her down before she collapses. "Woody, can you tell me anything? What happened? I mean, I know the building came down. Was it that gruesome that she's like this? After last year I couldn't just stand around and watch the news. I just couldn't take it."
"I know Max, I don't think one of us down there didn't flash immediately to last year. I didn't go inside, so I don't know for sure the gore level in there, but I'd imagine it was pretty high. But I don't think that's what did it. She found a survivor..."
"Ok, now you've got me confused. She found a survivor and she's gone practically catatonic?"
"From what the Feds said, she talked to him all day. He told her his name was John and that he was a security guard. Eventually they figured out that there was no way they could get him out without taking down the rest of the building."
"Oh, I see."
"Not exactly. Over a day into it, Bug and Nigel were helping the Feds on the van that carried the explosives and they found a hand. Turns out the hand belonged to John. He was trying to drive the van out and save the people in the building."
"So who had she been talking to?" With a sick feeling, I knew what he was going to say next.
"The guy who planted the van. She said enough to let them know what he'd said. Something like the law firm had been on a case against a company that made the guy's kids sick. They dropped the case, his kids died, and his wife committed suicide. He had only meant to damage the building, and when he realized people were in there, he told the security guard, John. But it was too late. Apparently he dumped all this on her right before he died right in front of her while she was holding his hand."
"Ok, Woody. Thanks for bringing her here. I'm going to take her home now. My home. There's no way she's staying by herself right now."
"Max, is there anything I can do? I mean, Jordan means a lot to me, and I want her to be ok."
"You're a good guy, Woody. And you're good for Jordan. Right now, let me deal with her and try to get her well. You can come home with me to help me get her in the car and the house, then give me a couple of days and you can come by to see how she's doing."
"Isn't there anything else?"
I put my hand on his shoulder and looked right into his eyes. There was really only one thing... "Pray, Woody. I don't know how religious you are, but pray. Come on sweetheart. Let's go home."
She's moving like she's in a dream world. But at least she's moving. That's a good sign. I think.
3 hours later...
Well, I got her home and at least got some fluids in her. Don't ask me how. I guess it's all coming back to me, everything I did when her mother... Oh God, please help her. Bring her back from that 10-year-old state of mind. Help me reach her. Above all, please don't let her slip away too...
She's not sleeping. She's been awake for over 2 days now and she's not sleeping. Just sitting there on the couch. I don't want to call in professional help, but at this point I don't know that I'm going to have a choice. She's bound to just go to sleep eventually, right? I don't know what else to do besides sit down beside her and just be here...
9 hours later...
I got some more fluids in her, but she's still showing no signs of any other type of change. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'd never take her to Summit View...too many memories, some not so distant. I've been such a fool shutting her out of my life since she's been back. Why haven't I been there? Why have I been so...
"Dad?"
Did I hear right? Did she just say something?
"Jordan? Sweetie? Talk to me."
"Dad...I...scared...help"
And with those words she fell into my arms in tears. Big tears, deep sobbing. I haven't seen her cry like this since... Max, you can't think about that now. Jordan's right here and she needs you now!
"It's ok, baby. I'm here. Let it out. Cry all you need to." I know it's all gibberish right now, but I've got to say something. Ok, maybe I don't. I can just hold her and be present with her. Like I couldn't do 23 years ago.
2 hours later...
I didn't think she'd ever stop, but she finally cried herself out and to sleep. No way was I can put her in her old room. After what Evelyn did to it, she'd never forgive me and it would probably set her back even more. But I'm not going to make her stay here on the couch. My room. It's still pretty much the same...my sanctuary and I wouldn't let Evelyn do that much to it. Nothing that couldn't be changed back anyway. Ok, now to gently pick her up and go upstairs without dropping her or falling. The last thing I want to do is wake her now...
30 hours later...
She's still asleep. Thank goodness I heard the car pull up. Now I've just got to get to the door before...
"Woody. Good to see you. Come on in."
"Max, how did you...?"
"I heard the car and there's no way that I was going to let you ring the doorbell. She needs to sleep."
"So she's sleeping, then?"
"For about the last day and a half. When we got home, she just sat on the couch without moving. I've never seen her like that even when her mother died. Finally she broke and said about 4 words before she collapsed in tears. Cried for a couple of hours before she finally cried herself to sleep. She's in my room now, still sound asleep. But it's good...she needs it after what she's been through. How bout you, Woody? How are you holding up?"
"I've slept a little, but not much. It's not just what happened. I've been too worried about Jordan. You don't know how many times I wanted to come over and..."
"Woody, I've watched you drive by at least 12 times since I've had her home. I know you've been worried."
"Oh, sorry. I just..."
"Don't be sorry, Woody. I think you're really good for Jordan. I just hope she doesn't turn out to be too much for you." Ok, he was a little green, but he could grow on me. He's definitely better than that Tyler character. But I'm not pushing anything. If I know my daughter, the second I sound too positive she'll find a reason to totally avoid him. "Would you like to go up and at least see her, verify in your own mind that she's alive?"
"That would be great, Max. Thanks."
Woody...
I could hardly breathe as we walked up the stairs to Max's room. All the agony and worry I'd dealt with over the past few days...I knew more than ever before that I didn't want to lose Jordan. But I didn't want to scare her off, either.
"Ok, Woody, you can go in and see her, but please don't wake her up. She'd been awake for over 2 and a half days and she's been through a lot emotionally and..."
"Max, I promise. I just want to see her."
I held my breath as he opened the door. I walked into the mostly darkened room and saw her curled up on Max's big bed, all snuggled into the covers. Jeeze, she looks so peaceful. So innocent. So not the Jordan I know when we're working. I can't help it, I have to touch her face; let her know somehow that I'm here. So softly, so quietly...
"It's ok, Jordan. It's all going to be ok." I was whispering ever so softly, but I had to say something. "I'm here and I'm not running anytime soon. Just know that. Ok, bye for now. I'll be back soon."
God I want to lean over and kiss her. But Max is standing right there and... Oh thank goodness she was just moving in her sleep. If I'd woken her up... But it's all good. I need to go now. Back down to the station to catch up on some paperwork. I run my hand down her hair one last time...
"I'll be back soon, Jordan. I promise I'll come back."
**********
This part runs concurrently with the first part.
Garret...
Great. It's way past 40 hours. I don't care what Elaine told me to do. She's not my boss. I have to go to the morgue and check on Lily. I told her I'd be there when she needed me and where was I? Waiting around for a body when the guy had been right in front of us all day. I hope she's ok ~ and that she forgives me for not being there. In person at least...I really tried to be there in my thoughts. I would have been there if...
The elevator's opening. Here goes nothing. I hope. Now where would she be?
"Garret? What are you doing here? Why aren't you..."
"Oh Lily. Hi." She looks like she's holding up ok, but can we really tell anything by looks?
"How are you? No really, how ARE you? I'm sorry I wasn't here at 40 hours. We were..."
"Garret, it's ok. Elaine called and filled me in on what happened so I could send Mr. Rutledge's family to the hospital to meet him there."
"But I promised you I'd be there for you when it hit you, and... It has hit you hasn't it?"
"Yeah." God, I so would love to be mad at him but I can't. As much as he's hurt me, I just can't. He said something about he knew how things were going to go... How? Do I dare ask him about it? Oh, he's looking at me in that examining way again... "Yeah, Garret, it did. Right about 40 hours, just like you said. This man was telling me about how lucky his wife had always been ~ beating cancer twice, having their daughter when all the doctors said it was impossible, she was even supposed to be on the plane that hit the South Tower last year ~ and I totally lost it. Well, I held it somewhat together until I got into the intake elevator. Then I lost it."
"You seem to be ok now, all things considered. How'd you do it?"
"Appearances are everything. Outside I'm pulled together, but inside I'm a mess."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Eventually. But not here. Stiles has already been pestering me. I think he's going to check on everyone."
"Well, that is his job ~ make sure we're all still hanging in there mentally." Oh God ~ if this was going to get to any of us... I have to call Jordan and see how she is. As crazy and troubling as this is for everyone, is she strong enough to take something like this? "Lily, I really do want to talk with you about this ~ help you decompress and all ~ but have you heard anything from Jordan?"
"No. Is there any reason?" Ok, now I'm confused. Wasn't he down at the site with her? "Um, Garret? Wasn't she at the scene?"
"Yeah, and she was. And...oh, that's right. You don't know. She found a survivor and..."
"Oh, that's great! Did you find out so that you could...?"
"No Lily. It's not like that. First of all, no one could get to him to get him out without bringing down the whole building."
"Oh my God. So what did she do?"
"She stayed right there and talked to him the whole time. Then Bug and Nigel found the hand of whoever had been driving the van. Turns out that it belonged to the guard Jordan thought she was talking to."
"Then who...?"
"I can only guess that whoever he was, he must have had something to do with the bombing. Elaine sent me out with only one body to be accounted for ~ not counting Jordan's guy. Then I found the missing person. That guy everybody assumed was a neighborhood drunk? He was the only survivor. My guess is that whoever Jordan was talking to, he's gone. And if I know her like I think I do, she wouldn't leave his side until he died."
"Oh my God. And after all she's been through lately..."
"Yeah. My thoughts exactly. Let me try her at home and then let's go get some coffee and something to eat. We can talk then. If that's ok, I mean."
"Sure, Garret. That would be good. Thanks."
Garret...
Ok, now all she has to do is answer the phone. Damn it! Answering machine. Ok, cell phone. No answer. Where the hell is she and why isn't she answering the phone? Yeah, she could be asleep, but I know her ~ maybe better than she knows herself. She's like a kid sister to me. If she's done anything stupid I'll kill her myself. No I wont...I'll help her pick up the pieces just like always. What else are friends for?
"Lily? Do you know if we've got Max's phone number anywhere?"
"I don't think so. Unless it's in her file under emergency contact. Want me to get it? What's wrong?"
"No answer on either home or cell phone. I'm really worried now."
"Yeah ~ you two have worked together for a while. Let me think... What about Max's bar? You think he'd be there? Or there would be someone there who would have his home number?"
"Yeah ~ that's a good idea." Ok, this is good. Everything is going to be fine. Except...what if he hasn't heard from her? Do I want to send him into a panic too?
"Garret? What's wrong?"
"Lily, what if Max doesn't know what's going on? I mean, I'm sure he knows about the building, but what if she's not with him? What if he hasn't heard from her either?"
"I didn't think of that. She's talked about how he's been mad at her since last summer with the knife and all, but still he's her father. He's bound to get worried if he doesn't know anything. What about Woody? You think he'd know something? They're awfully close." Oh great! What's that look? Jordan will totally kill me for that. Maybe not...maybe she's mellowing a little. Hey, I can hope, right?
"Good thinking. Let me call him. The department will be able to put me through, or at least give me his number." Ok, got the number. Now dialing... It's ringing...
"Hoyt here."
"Woody! It's Garret Macy. Have you heard anything from Jordan?"
"I've got her right her in the car with me, Garret."
"Is she...? Can I...?"
"No, you can't talk to her right now Garret. Nobody can. She's not talking. I can't even seem to reach her. The guy she was talking to ~ he was the guy who set the bomb. I didn't get the full story from the on-site agents, but apparently there was something to do with the law firm and dropping a case and... Oh never mind. That's not what's important. Jordan's all that matters now. I'm on my way to Max's bar right now. I figure he's our best shot at snapping her out of this."
"Good thinking, Woody. Keep me posted?"
"Yep. You betcha. Talk to you later."
Garret...
Ok, at least she's with a friend and on her way to her dad. I don't care how angry Max is. I'm a father myself and I've been plenty mad at Abby, but when it comes to helping her survive I'd do anything. I'm pretty sure Max will too. And if he doesn't? I don't even want to think about that. He'll do whatever he has to. I saw how he was when we couldn't find her over the summer... In spite of everything he loves her more than life itself. I just know it.
"Garret? What's up? Does he have her?"
"Yeah. They're going to Max's place right now. Jordan's in pretty bad shape emotionally from what Woody said. If anyone can help her, it's her dad. They're going to the right place. And speaking of going... Where would you like to go?"
"Anywhere there's food and coffee sounds good."
"Great. I know just the place. Let's go."
48 hours later...
Lily...
It was so good to be able to talk with Garret. He didn't tell me how he knew what was going to happen. He didn't say much at all. Just let me talk out everything. All my frustration with some of the families. Not all of them...some were wonderful and patient. But some were so hard to deal with. I shouldn't criticize them...after all, I've never lost someone in something as horrific as this. But still it was good to be able to talk with him. He did let his guard down a little. Not like before. But as painful as that whole thing was, I don't know that I could have been doing all this and could have talked to him about what happened if I hadn't gone through that whole thing. Ok, I'm going to try to get some more sleep. I didn't know a person could be this tired...
Garret...
She'd stood up under all that pressure better than I thought she would. Hell, she stood up under it better than I did. After all, she didn't call someone a bitch...even if Elaine did deserve that. Phone...this better not be another damn reporter.
"WHAT?!?!?"
"Garret? It's Max. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
"Max! God I'm sorry. All those damn reporters... I'm doing ok all things considered. Trying to catch up on my sleep." How does he sound? Can I tell anything from his voice? I almost don't want to ask for fear of what might be, but... "Max? How's Jordan?"
"She's sleeping, finally. Woody brought her by the bar and she wasn't saying a word. Nothing. Believe me, I know how hard that is to believe considering we're talking about Jordan, but she wouldn't say anything. And her eyes..."
"Max, that doesn't sound good at all."
"Garret, I've got to be honest with you. When Woody walked through the door at the bar with her, my heart stopped. I thought I was going to lose her. Her eyes were even more lost and distant than they were when..."
"Max, I'm so sorry."
"Thanks. Anyway, we got her home ~ my place, I wasn't letting her alone for a minute ~ and she just sat on the couch for hours. Not moving. Not speaking. She was there but she wasn't there, you know?"
"I think I'm beginning to get the picture. So what happened?"
"Finally she broke down. Said about four words and puddled in my arms. She cried for about two hours straight until she finally fell asleep. That was about a day and a half ago."
"She's still..."
"Yeah ~ believe me, I've checked on her every hour. Just did actually. She's definitely still breathing. I just hope things are at least somewhat ok when she wakes up...otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Well, when we get to that bridge, I'll help however I can. I didn't bring her back on staff to just lose her again."
"Thanks Garret. That means a lot. Hang on. I think Woody's actually going to stop this time. Let me go and catch the door before he rings the bell. Talk to you later, Garret. And thanks again!"
"No problem, Max. She's special. Bye."
Garret...
Well, that's a relief. At least she's with her dad and sleeping. That's got to be a good sign. Wait a minute. Did he say maybe Woody would actually stop? Has he been driving by the house since he dropped her off? It seems a little weird, but it's exactly the kind of thing he'd do. He's a little nuts at times, but in a weird way, I think he'd be good for Jordan. Give her some stability and something to count on ~ not that he couldn't do that as a friend, but still... Assuming she doesn't chew him up and spit him out of course. Now that I think about it, she does seem different around him at times. She's stopped calling him "farm boy" anyway. Garret, stop it. Leave Jordan and her love life ~ or whatever it is ~ alone. You really need to get some sleep! Worry about yourself for a change"
**********
Jordan...
What the...? Where am I? What is going on? Oh God my head hurts and my eyes hurt...they burn. What is going on? Ok Jordan. Calm down and try to think rationally for a second. Yeah, I know ~ haha. Hey ~ this is progress! Got my mind off the pain anyway. Ok, now that I'm a little more awake, let me look around and see...
I'm in Dad's room. How on earth did I get here? What is this thing in bed with me? A teddy bear? I haven't had one of these in years. It is kinda cute. And it does smell somewhat familiar...
Ok Jordan, you're getting off track here. Think. Remember. The last thing I remember is sitting there holding that guy' hand. The guy who lied to me. He lied to me and then he died. Oh God, it's all coming back to me now.
"Dad?!?!?!?!? Dad, where are you?!?!?!?!?"
Max...
What was that? Is she screaming? Got to get upstairs now!
"Jordan? Sweetie? It's ok. I'm here."
"Dad, what am I doing here? How did I get here?"
"You really don't remember anything?"
"I remember sitting in the ruins talking to that guy for hours. I don't know how many. Dad, he's..."
"Shh. You're still in a form of shock. Try to be still and quiet ~ hard as that is for you." Please let her know I meant that in love. Maybe I shouldn't try to joke with her right now.
"Dad! How long have I been here?"
"A couple of days, Jordan. Asleep for most of that time, but it took you a while to crash. I've been so worried about you."
"Worried about me? Why? Dad, I've lost several days and... What's that smell?" Whatever it is, it's not a smell that's usually in here. It's not bad. It just doesn't fit. Let me look around here and... "Flowers? From you?"
"Nope ~ you know me. Or should I say I know you? I know better than to send you flowers. Besides, I've been too busy making sure you were still breathing to call the florist."
"Really? I've been that bad?"
"Jordan, I don't even remember you being 'that bad' when your mother... But then again you were at Kim's a good deal of that time. Maybe I just missed it."
"Oh Dad, thank you. For everything. I'm so sorry for the whole thing with the knife and..."
"Jordan, hush. It's all forgiven. It was all forgiven before you got back, even if I wasn't ready to admit that to myself or anyone else ~ especially you. I raised you to follow the laws and to be honest. What else could you have done?"
Great...he's gonna make me cry now. "Dad? I love you, you know?"
"I know. But you still haven't solved your current mystery." At least she's talking ~ and she seems coherent. Maybe distracting her will work for a while. At least until her own survival instinct kicks back in full blast.
"The flowers? I have no clue. Garret? Bug? Nigel? The whole office?"
Is she really this oblivious? "Nope on all of those options. Jordan, sweetie, you've hit everybody I would have thought of. Except one..."
"Woody?" What the... Oh shit! Why is Dad looking at me that way? Did I give away too much? I mean, yeah I think about him. I'd be nuts not to. He is pretty cute. And I know he'd do anything for me. But still. Ok, ok ~ he is better than Tyler or any of the others. And a definite step up ~ wait, a definitive step up from that DA. What on earth was I thinking when I did that?
And yet, when I think about Woody, just feel like everything's going to be ok. He is somehow always there. He followed me to LA and killed a man, all to save me. And when it looked like he'd killed that girl, I didn't know what I was going to do if something happened to him. He's such a stabilizing... Jordan, what the hell are you thinking? Are you actually saying that...?
Oh God, this is too "Princess Bride." I remember the line all too well... "And what was more surprising was the realization that when she called him 'farm boy,' she was saying it too." It meaning 'I love you.'" Yeah, yeah...I love that movie. Shut up already!
"Yes, Jordan. They're from Woody. And your little companion there? The bear? That's from him too."
"He's come by?" Ok, so maybe I haven't been misreading him. And that explains the familiar scent on the bear. He wouldn't... I'm not even going to think about that!
"Only about 5 times."
"But how did he know where you live? And for that matter, how did I get here?"
"You really don't remember?" Ok, at least she's asking questions ~ trying to figure things out. That's got to be a good sign.
"Dad, if I knew do you really think I'd be asking?"
"Good point. You never were one to play dumb. Ok, you remember being at the site. What else do you remember?"
"That the guy lied to me and he was actually responsible for the blast. That I held his hand and sang to him while he died. A song Mom used to sing to me. His wife had sung it to his daughters before they died. After that, things get a little fuzzy."
"Ok, I'll try to fill in the fuzzy spots. Apparently Woody went back to the site ~ he's the one who figured out that the guy the FBI had in custody wasn't the guy who planted the bomb ~ and found you wandering around looking like a Bosnian refugee. Don't look at me that way. Those are his words. You weren't talking at all, and the only thing he knew to do was bring you to me. So he brought you to the bar. Thank God it was a delivery day or I might not have been there yet. So he told me what had happened as best he could, then he helped me bring you home."
"He put me to bed?" At least most of my clothes are still on...
"No, Jordan. You were awake for another 12 hours. Well, I say awake in that your eyes were opened. But you weren't really there. You weren't talking. I could barely get you to drink anything, so eating was out of the question. Eventually you broke. Said about four words and burst into tears. Tears like I've never seen you cry before in your life. After a couple of hours, I realized you were asleep, so I brought you up here."
"Why your room? What's wrong with my old room?"
"Let's not get into that now, ok? I promise it's all going back the way it was." Please let her drop it for now. Please?
"Ok. I think. So Woody...?"
"He drove by here at least 12 times in the first day or so you were here. I told him to give me a couple of days to try to get through to you, and then he could come visit."
"And I take it from the presents that he did?"
"Yeah ~ but the presents didn't come the first time. Just him. Jordan, I don't think he slept the whole time between dropping you off and coming here when he finally came back up to the door. That time he just came up to see you...make sure you really were alive. He was so..." Should I tell her what I saw? Or will she, in typical Jordan fashion, totally run the other way?
"So what Dad? He was so...?"
"Sweet. Jordan, he was so sweet and loving and tender and caring and..."
"Dad!" How does he always know how to embarrass the shit out of me even if no one else is around?
"Jordan, listen to me. I'm not going to push anyone onto you. Every day I thank God that I don't have to arrange a marriage for you because one or both of you would end up hating me! But Woody is... Well, Jordan, Woody would be good for you. He really does care, sweetie. And he's..."
"Normal. I know, Dad. And it's cool. He could grow on me." I can't get his hopes up too high. He looks like...I have no idea. Like he finally won't have to worry about me or something. "Dad, if you're thinking of leaving now that I've found someone 'stable' you can get that thought out of your head."
"Jordan, now I know you're feeling better. I'm not planning to go anywhere." Doorbell! Three guesses and the first two don't count as to who this is. "Hang on sweetie. I'll be right back."
"Ok." Ok, Jordan. You know who that is at the door. What are you going to do? To say? God, I must look like hell. Wait, was that me? Worried about how I look? Ok, Jordan, calm down and... Footsteps on the stairs. Any second now he'll...
"Jordan?" God, she looks good. Not even considering. This just woken up look works for her. The tousled hair, the sleep in her eyes, the...
"Hi Woody. How are you?"
"I'm ok, but that's not what I'm concerned about. How are you?"
"Dad's been filling me in, so I think I know what's happened. In general terms ya know. By the way, thanks for the flowers. And the bear."
"Really? You like them? I wasn't sure, but I had to do something. Actually I have to tell you. When I gave you the bear, I put it under your arm and you immediately curled up with it. It was really cute." Oh God, did I just say that? She's going to hate me.
"Really? Thanks. It's great that you came by. Dad said you figured out that the guy the FBI arrested wasn't the one who bombed the place. Pretty good work, detective!" That's it! Gloss over the bear and keep things all normal. I wish Dad would go away!
"It wasn't much. You're the one who..."
"Dad? I'm a little thirsty. Could you go and get me something to drink? Some juice or something? Would you like anything, Woody?" Good one, Jordan. Drinks will take a little while anyway. Not THAT long! I'm not that kind of girl! In spite of what some lapses in judgment might say.
"Sure. Juice sounds good. Thanks Max." What the hell is going through her mind?
"Yeah, thanks Dad!" Oh, I am so good. Just the right bit of charm and Jordan mixed together and Dad's totally wrapped around my finger. Being sick ~ or whatever you want to call it ~ hasn't hurt either. Not that I'm trying to use my dad, but I just want a minute alone with Woody. "Woody? Thanks for everything."
"Jordan, it was nothing. You're my friend and I want to help you. I've been so worried about you."
"Is that all it was?" Am I totally wrong about this guy?
"What do you mean?" Is she taking this where I think she is?
"All I am is a friend to you?"
"Jordan, yes you're my friend. But that doesn't..." Am I dreaming this? She just cut me off with a kiss. And not just a peck. Good God she can kiss. If only we weren't at her father's... Woody you idiot! Stop thinking and kiss her!
"Pretty good kiss back for a 'friend,' farm boy!"
**********
Part 4 takes place after part 3. Woody has gone home (again), and Max, after worrying about Jordan for over a day and finally deciding that Jordan is doing well enough to be left alone for a while has gone downstairs to try and get some sleep, leaving Jordan alone in his bedroom with orders to try and get some more sleep ~ or at least stay put for the immediate future. Left alone and terrified to sleep, Jordan goes through the events as best she can.
Jordan...
Sleep? Yeah, right! Doesn't he remember what happened after...? The nightmares? Not that I want them to come back, but given everything that's happened, what else am I supposed to expect? I wish Woody had stayed. That would have been good. Hang on Jordan, who are you fooling? Like Dad would ever have let Woody stay up here while he went downstairs to sleep. If I'm in my own place, it's one thing. But under his roof it's quite another thing altogether. Not that he has any room to talk after the whole Evelyn thing... But I really don't want to think about that right now. Hell, I don't want to think at all. Unfortunately my brain doesn't have an off switch. Charming combo huh? Brain with no off switch and mouth with no editor.
God it's been a wild ride these past few days. Well, what I remember of them anyway. The building... I never thought I'd see anything like that in person in my life. It was horrific! When we first walked in there, the bodies and the destruction was almost overwhelming. No, not almost, it was overwhelming! I wasn't sure I was going to make it. Not that there was any pressure or anything. "Jordan, you're senior D.I." Gee, thanks Garret! Remind me to add something special to your Christmas present this year for that one! No, no pressure at all! Ha!! It's not like I haven't seen death before And this was considerably less bloody than most of the stuff that I've seen that up close and personal. Gruesome, yes. Horrific, yes. Something I hope to God I never have to see again in my life, definitely. But bloody? Amazingly not really. And then I went around that corner to check out another section...
I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there when that hand grabbed me! And then when I realized what was going on, I thought how amazing it was that I found someone alive in the building. A security guard! Alive in spite of the chaos and destruction all around us! And I was totally not thinking about any hero label or anything. Labels don't become me. Especially when I'm just doing my job. So I talked with him...tried to keep him calm...did whatever I could to help try and save him! All of that, hours and hours...and then I find out that he lied to me the whole time. I couldn't believe it! How did I not see the signs? He was injured. Do injured people really tell you their name that fast? I don't know...never been in that situation before. But "John" seemed to roll a little too easily, yet a little too stiffly off his tongue now that I think about it. But I sat there and talked with him.
The first blow was when they told me they couldn't just remove the wall in front of him without bringing the whole building down. That was rough. Then the team that was trying to go from the other side couldn't get through. And I had to be the one to tell him that we couldn't get him out. At the time all I could do was try to think of a way to enlarge that hole just enough for us to pull him out. Well, that and talk to him. It's been a long time since I talked to one person that much at one time. Not that there was anything else to do. When I realized he wasn't going to get out, did I open up a little more than I usually would? In some ways, I did...the whole plant/husband comparison thing. But in other ways I didn't. I mean, he asked if I'd ever lost anyone and all I did was nod. No details, no nothing. Weird. The one person who wouldn't be able to say anything afterwards and I don't tell him anything of great importance.
Then Elaine came in. I was exhausted by that point...making myself stay awake so I could keep him awake and talking. Why did I even bother at that point? I was beginning to wonder that myself when she put her hand on my shoulder. "I need to talk to you for a minute, Jordan." So I left him and went across the cavernous space that had once been offices. "I wanted to tell you this as soon as possible. Bug and Nigel found a hand in the van that contained the device. It belonged to John Montgomery, the security guard." "Then who the hell have I been talking to, Elaine?!?!?" "Jordan, I don't know. I can only guess what he's doing here, but I don't know." Oh God, what on earth was I doing? I felt sick ~ if I'd eaten in the past 2 days, I probably would have been, but an empty stomach merely made for a sick, nauseous feeling. So I asked for an hour. It would probably be all over by that time. She agreed, and left me alone to go back to him. Whoever he was.
"Why aren't you holding my hand?" I wanted to find a rock and bash his head in right then. But not until I knew who he was. So I asked him and he poured out his story. Pitney Corp., his girls, his wife, the law firm that dropped the case after promising more money and discouraging a settlement. He had his rights to be angry, that's for sure. But rights to bring down a building and kill that many people? I don't think anything is worth that. Look at all the additional lives he took in the process.
Course am I any better? Look at how long I've been after whoever murdered Mom! What's it gotten me? I'm no closer to knowing who did it than I've ever been. All it's done is make me angry, make me question everything that's ever meant anything to me. And I've gotten at least one person killed in the process. Granted, he was definitely no angel. And he was going to kill me first. But still, he's dead because of me and my own actions. I almost got Dad investigated by the D.A. ~ and what would have happened if they'd gone forward on that case? Where would Dad be now? Probably in prison or facing a huge fine and it would be all my fault. Ok, not all, but all mine for exposing it. He had a right to be angry with me. And Garret. And everyone down at the morgue. How many times have they had to deal with the brunt of my emotions when a case hits too close to home for me? When I'm having a bad day after a night filled with nightmares? God, I've been so selfish! And Woody. Well, let me go through what else happened that I remember before I go there.
So he spilled out the story. Told me all about his wife singing to their kids. "Sweet and Low." I remember Mom singing that sometimes...an easier one for me to remember. More happy times than bad times with that one. Then he died. Right there with me holding his hand. I knew it was going to happen, but for some reason I kept thinking it wouldn't. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there. Don't know how long. I vaguely remember Nigel coming in with a blanket and leading me outside, but everything's a blur. Lights. People all over the place. Faces all a blur. I couldn't really see anyone, didn't know who anyone was. They asked me how I was, and I couldn't answer them. My voice totally failed me. I don't even know that I understood what they were saying...
And then the next thing I remember is waking up here in Dad's bed and being all alone...but not really. As soon as I yelled, I heard Dad's footsteps on the stairs and he came into the room and held me so tight. It's been a long time since he's hugged me like that. It felt good. And I told him I was sorry ~ then he said he'd already forgiven me. Now I think I finally understand that story from CCD class ~ the Prodigal Son one? Yeah ~ I think I know how the kid felt now. But anyway... What was that about my room? Maybe I should go and see what the hell is up with that. Nah ~ Dad's been taking care of me and needs to sleep. He doesn't need to hear footsteps ~ or worse ~ from up here while I explore. Ok, so we were actually having a really good father-daughter moment. It felt good. I really do need to pay more attention to and spend more time with him! So then we got to the gifts.
I can't believe Woody gave me a teddy bear! That guy is nuts! Yeah, Jordan ~ he's nuts about you. How the hell have I missed it? Ok, so I haven't missed it so much as I've chosen to ignore it. He's a nice guy ~ maybe too nice. I don't deserve nice guys ~ at least I've never thought I did before. I don't really know why. Maybe it was easier to be with the bad ones, the ones who maybe weren't bad but had an edge. Less chance of getting hurt if emotions aren't involved... Ok, so he gave me the bear and he said I curled up with it immediately? That's weird. Or is it? It was something to hold on to in the midst of this sea of chaos I was in. Maybe that's it. Or maybe it's ~ maybe I should stop trying to analyze this whole thing and just focus on what I can know. Maybe this inane search for understanding every minute detail is what's caused so much confusion!
Ok, so back to Woody. Sweet, dear Woody. Is there anything he wouldn't do for me? I mean, not only all the help he gives me on cases here. Everything he's done period. Offering to come with me on my crazy quest to find Mom's killer. I can only guess that he must have somehow kept track of me through the summer. How else would he have known about the arrest in LA? I certainly didn't call him! We hadn't really gotten to the point where they told me I had the right to one phone call yet. And if I had, I don't know who I would have called anyway. Dad? No way. Like he'd have helped me at the time anyway. Garret? Maybe. But he's got enough on his plate as it is. Nigel? Again, maybe. Of anyone besides Garret, he would have been the most likely to be able to help. Woody? For some reason the thought probably never would have occurred to me. I had no clue what was up when the cops said that I at least had one friend in Boston. And then I walk out the door of the police station and he's standing right there. That sweet smile on his face, letting me hug him. And hugging back. And then the trouble started. And he killed a man. And almost lost his badge because of it! If I had fired the shot, it would have been easier. Self-defense. But he did it for me! And the plane ticket? I can't imagine what a last-minute round-trip ticket from Boston to LA must have cost him. Not to mention adding a one way from LA to Boston. Wow! I could cry just thinking about it!
And then there was the Cynthia Montgomery case and everything that ensued. He was so close to being indicted! And what if that had happened? He's probably my best friend here ~ one who cares about me regardless of how weird I can be and always seems willing to do anything to help me with whatever I need. If he'd gone away ~ either to jail or back to Wisconsin ~ I honestly don't know what I would have done. I remember that night after it was all over like it was yesterday. I knew what he wanted me to say, but jeeze! Dad was standing right there! And I'm not ready to share this whatever it is between me and Woody with anyone. Not even Dad. Not yet. So I said I would have missed him, and then went over to the CD player to put on some music. Nothing wrong with that. Two friends celebrating with a dance. And it's not like it was a slow song! There was some exchange between him and Dad ~ I can only imagine what that must have been. And then he came back to dance and it was fun! I don't know how long it's been since I just plain had fun!
And then this. Apparently I was his only concern when he came back to the site. All he wanted to do was help me ~ and he saw that Dad was the only one who could possibly help me. So he left me with Dad and then came back to visit, several times. He told me while Dad was getting our drinks that he'd driven by tons of times before he actually stopped the first time. Oh yeah ~ that time while Dad was getting drinks...
I couldn't resist. Yeah, I was a little unsure after his "friends" comment, but I decided to go for it. So I leaned over and kissed him. I mean *kissed* him. It took him a minute, but man ~ when he started kissing me back, I so wished that I was NOT in my dad's house in my dad'bed!! God, it's been a while since I've been kissed like that! Not even Tyler, and I thought he was good. Then of course there was that awkward silent moment when we just kind of looked at each other, so I broke it with my "farm boy" comment. He looked at me for a second and then cracked up, so I guess he got the reference. At least I hope he did. We started to kiss again, and he grabbed me and held me so tight. He was pushing me down on the bed, and I was about to just throw all caution to the winds when we heard Dad's feet on the stairs. Boy, talk about a damper. So we got all straightened up and ready for our juice. But somehow I don't think we quite pulled it off, judging from the look on Dad's face.
As terrifying as the whole building thing was, for me, this is even scarier! I could really see myself falling totally head-over-heels for Woody. Who am I kidding? I'm over half-way there now! Hell, I'm probably almost all the way there now! I wonder if he's asleep. Hmmm...I think I'll give him a call and...
Damn, the phone' ringing now. Better get it so it doesn't wake Dad.
"Hello?"
"Jordan? Thank God you're awake! How are you doing?"
"Hey Garret! I'm ok. Dad said I slept for about a day and a half, and now he's downstairs sleeping. Left me in his bedroom with instructions to try to sleep some more."
"I see you obey his instructions about as well as you obey mine at the morgue."
"Ha ha! Very funny. So how are you?"
"I'm good. I've slept a lot. Spent some time talking with Lily about how she did."
"How did she do, by the way?"
"A lot better than I thought she would. I mean it got to her, no doubt, but she's doing really well."
"How's your family?"
"Abby and I have spent some time together. Ever since the bomb threat at the morgue we've been getting along a lot better. Why are you laughing?"
"Just thinking how these near-death things tend to make daughters appreciate their fathers more. And vice-versa, I think."
"So I take it things are better with you and Max?"
"Yeah ~ a lot better. I apologized. He said he'd forgiven me a long time ago. So things are good. There's always room for improvement, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. Garret?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry for all the grief I put you through. Thank you for always believing in me. For going out on those limbs for me. For..."
"Jordan, it's ok. Ever since I met you at that hospital while you were doing that heart surgeon residency I knew you were something special and we could be great friends. You've just always proven me right on that. I don't always say it, but you're really special to me. In a co-worker sort of way you know."
"Ha! Yeah, I know. Thanks."
"Say, Jordan, you sound different. Anything you want to share?"
Was I ready to share all this with him? I mean yeah he's my "bestest girlfriend" and all, but still... "Well, you know how all this can...?"
"Jordan? It's ok. You can tell me about Woody when you want to."
"Woody? Who said anything about Woody?"
"Hon, I've been watching the two of you work together for almost a year now. He was an easy read. You've been harder, but ever since you got back from LA and God only knows wherever else you've been different towards him. I figured it's only a matter of time. But you can count on me to keep your secret until you're ready to talk about it. And if you want to talk with me before sharing with the world, that's ok too."
"Gee, thanks Garret. I'm glad Dad's downstairs asleep cause I can feel my cheeks without even putting a hand to them. Can we just leave it at I'm exploring some feelings I haven't had in a while and don't really want to jinx them by talking about it?"
"Sure. Whenever you'e ready, your 'bestest girlfriend' is ready to listen. Now in the meantime, follow Max's instructions and get some more sleep!!"
"I'll try, Garret. Talk to you later. Oh ~ when do I have to go back in to the office? I don't want to get fired again."
"I'm going back in later this afternoon. The county morgue has been handling most of the cases that won't keep for a couple of days so we could recover. Why don't you take another couple of days to get rested? If you feel like it after tomorrow, you can come back then. If not, I'll see you day after."
"Ok, thanks Garret. See you soon!"
Well, that was interesting. Can I really trust Garret to keep his mouth shut after the whole drummer picture thing? Jordan, do you honestly think that no one else has a clue about this? Just keep it as quiet as you can until you figure out what's going on, and go from there. Now, I'm going to call him. Where did I put that number? Oh screw it. What else is 411 for?
Great ~ got the number and they're putting me through now. It's ringing, it's ringing...
"Hello?"
Jeeze ~ I think I woke him up. "Woody?"
"Oh, hey Jordan."
"You sound weird. Did I wake you?"
"Yeah, but it's ok. I was just dozing." And dreaming about you...
"You sure? Cause I can call back?"
"Yeah ~ it's fine. What's up?"
"Dad's downstairs napping and he gave me instructions to sleep, but I'm not tired right now. So I've been thinking."
"There's something new. I'm kidding ~ remember my sarcasm? What's up?"
"Woody, you have done so much for me. Everything when we're working on cases, coming out to LA, killing..."
"Jordan, it's ok."
"No, I need to say something. Thank you. You're probably one of the best friends I've ever had and..."
"What do you mean by 'friend,'Jordan?"
"Ok, you're teasing me now. Woody, I don't know where this thing between us is leading, but I have to say, that was one hell of a kiss this afternoon. And if Dad hadn't come up..."
"Yeah, I know. So what are you thinking?"
"That I'd like to explore this thing and see where it goes." There, I've said it. The ball's in his court now. God I can't believe I just took such a risk!
"Jordan? Are you serious?"
"Do you honestly think I'd joke about something like this? After this afternoon?"
"Good point. I just needed to make sure."
"Ok, and..."
"And I'm up for some exploration too."
"Ok. Now we just have to figure out what to do. If only I wasn't at Dad's..."
"Well, does he want you there for being there or does he just not want you to be alone?"
"I don't know. This hasn't come up before this conversation right now. What are you thinking?"
"Well, if it's a matter of you staying alone, I can certainly either stay at your place or you can stay at mine. Actually, that might be the better option since I've got a sofa bed AND a bed and unless you've gotten more furniture, you've only got the futon."
"And that's a problem why?"
"It's not a problem with me, but I'm thinking your dad might go for the 2 bed option better than a futon for 2. Not that I have a problem with the latter."
"Me either. But good point. I mean, yeah I'm a grown woman who has had boyfriends before, but in Dad's eyes, there's a part of me that will always be his little girl. Will you be home for a while? I don't know how long Dad's going to sleep and I don't want to just leave."
"Yeah ~ after the events of the past few days ~ past few months actually with you two ~ that's probably not the best option. How 'bout I come over there around 6 and we discuss it with him then?"
"Ok, that sounds good. If he wakes up and decides to go to the pub earlier, I'll let you know."
"Cool. So I'll talk to you and see you later?"
"Yeah. Later."
"Jordan?"
"Yeah?"
"I think..."
"Woody, I know, but please don't say it yet. Even in the 'I think' form? Ok?"
"Ok. Talk to you soon!"
"Ok. Bye!"
Ok, so we've got a plan. Now all we have to do is sell it to Dad. I'm feeling better now. Like maybe I can sleep. Maybe a nap wouldn't be such a bad idea. Pass the time until Woody gets here. And dreams of Woody are definitely better than those old nightmares...
End.
|
|
